Sadie, thanks for your reply to my post, I hope your day is getting better, I have your same feeling, I have no family none, this is my family now, email me if you want gingerbloxom@yahoo.com It would be great to have someone to chat with that can relate to what I am going through, you are in my prayers.
I am also here strongspirit101@aol.com
For me, I am in the anger stage. I am really angry at him for not caring about me, for lying and pretending he did, for keeping me TRAPPED by taking advantage of my heart, for STILL lying and saying he cares when his actions are so obvious that he doesn't. I am really really angry at me, for letting him do this. For forgetting or excusing the things he has done, for reminding myself to forgive and be kind to all, but he doesn't deserve it. I went to counseling. I went to Al-Anon. But all I really learned how to do was to tolerate what he was doing. OK, that's fine, I can be fine without him, but do I have to stay married to him? It seems so stupid. HE is treating ME bad, but I go to counseling to get better?? He is the one who needs to get better! He acts like he is such a great husband because he doesn't hit me or cheat on me, but the MENTAL abuse, to be treated as less than human, as someone without feelings, as a thing that doesn't matter... sick of it. To say I have a problem with him because I have a problem with all people??? It takes a LOT for me to not like a person, I can get along with most, I don't pass judgement, I understand we are all products of our life experiences and we are all in this together. I tried so hard to feel this way towards him, gave him the benefit of the doubt more than he deserved only to realize he is an empty shell. When I married him I thought I was marrying a diamond in the rough but all I got was a lump of coal. But i am glad I am angry. I am finally SEEING the truth. It is a step towards my freedom. You have not been treated the way you should have been. Get angry about it, not sad. Then you can take this energy and do something positive with it. I guess it's all a part of the stages we go through. I went through the sadness, YEARS of it, all the crying, the depression, to get to the point of hey! This is MY life! I don't want to waste my time here!
Anyway, if you want to email me, feel free, I am always here to listen and support and encourage (even if in a bit of a crazy way!) ... our freedom lies in letting go.