My ex husband has been an absentee father for approx. 10 years (his choice). I have SOLE LEGAL AND PHYSICAL CUSTODY of my daughter who is 14. On her 11th birthday, he showed up unexpectedly. I allowed the visit (my daughter was happy and I didn't want to ruin her day). He asked to start visiting her; claiming he is no longer living his previos lifestyle and is a changed person. I agreed as long as it was slowly and on our (my daughters and I) terms. He began visiting her one weekend a month, entire spring break, 2-4 weeks for summer,alternate christmas and Thanksgiving...he resides 2 1/2 hours away from our residence.
Recently, when I picked up my daughter from his residence, he sent her out with documents with demands for more visitation and leading up to her living with him.
He is setting boundaries in this document that is in my opinion not fair--for example: when the visit ends, I would like to pick up or meet halfway at or around 1:00 p.m. that gives us both time to get home (have 2 other children and a husband to attend to...etc) He refuses and wants us to pick her up at or after 6:00 p.m...he claims that its inconveniencing their activities and making acusations that I just don't want him and her to interract...He refuses to allow her to speak to us or anyone from my side of the family when she is with him--claiming I am meddling with HIS time and its none of my business what she is doing over there.
He and his wife claims this document is legal...which I know is not. He continues to push and demand that we "get together" and sign this document or he's going to take me to court.
He keeps pushing counseling down my throat demanding that I go see HIS family counselor so I can get help? (I don't feel I need counseling...he does!) I'm stable in my current life...career (10 yrs law enforcement), remarried for 7 yrs (current husband is her "dad" by her choice and active in he life)...etc, my daughter is stable in her current comfort zone, family, friends, engaged in full academics and sports...etc.
He makes statements to me that "You (referring to me) will not be in control!" He makes statements that "it's none of your business where my daughter is when she is with me (referring to him)." He has been sending emails and text messages to my daughter (even while she is at school) and I...harrassing her to live with him and his new extended family, bashing me through the entire way. Harrassing me to sign this document.
He and his wife has placed numerous guilt trips on her when she tells him NO!..She(my daughter) has told him herself that NO she doesn't want to move, NO she does not want to engage in sports in his city, NO she does not want to spend the ENTIRE summer with them.... For example; one recently, "I (the ex) had to go to the E. R. because of ulcers and migrains for all the stress you and your mother is causing me." or "J. (her half brother)gets stomach aches and worries when you are not here, afraid your mother is hurting you." He threatens legal intervention.
Our divorce decree states he is alotted 14 days of uniterrupted visitations a year...(he's gotten waaay more than that already) I'm confused about all this. What is his complaint? I've asked and it turns into a yelling match. I feel like I gave an inch and he's taken a mile!
I don't feel it's fair for him to be absent almost her ENTIRE life and waltz in and demand for us re arange ours. I don't have time nor the energy for this crap...neither does my daughter...what can I do to stop this mental abuse?

If at all possible ignore him until he serves you with a court order. The court order will be a motion request not an order for you to comply with his demanded schedule. You will both show up in court, talk to the judge and the judge will make a ruling on future cusotdy and visitation issues. Prior to this you may want to retian an attorney to represent you in a cusotdy dispute. It is really the only way to deal with someone that thinks they have the ability to control the situaiton that at this point does not have the legal right. Review your current custody and visitation order and make sure you remain in complete complaince to the order. If the court has any doubt that the current order is not working then they will make a new ruling or get a guardian ad lidim (spelling) envolved to aid in the court deceiding future custody and visitation.
The document he has prepared is only a legal and binding document if it is signed by you and your signature is notorized by a notary of the public or the court. There si no need for you to sign it as you already have a legally and binding court order, his is not as it was not signed, notorized or court ordered and will not be if you have anything to say about it. Any future changes to your current order will be done in court, it is the best way to deal with it.

I also have a manipulating ex husband who lost his custody related to drinking and driving with our children. Although I do allow him to see them it is on my terms. He does become angry and wants time alone with them . but i have to put my foot down. you have all the legal rights , he only gets 14 days. Do not sign the paper he has drafted. Its a ply to get you suckered into something he wants. Make sure to keep all the emails , text messages and any phone messages he leaves you or your daughter as this will help you in court. Document everytime he talks with you or your daughter. You do not have to give him more time than the court order states. Tell him he has gotten his time and will receive no more until the manipulation of you and your daughter stops. You are the one in control not him. Do not let him make you think he is. He wants his way and will do anything to get it. He will make you out to be the bad person. This is because you are the one with control and he knows it. He just wants you to think you are not. If you feel that 6 pm is to late tell him you will pick her up at what time you want . If he does not like it, then she does not go. Also tell him she should be allowed to talk to you and your family when she is with him or the phone call to her will stop when she is with you. If he continues to harrass her and you. Stop the phone calls now. Tell him when he can talk with you and your daughter without harrassment he will be able to call again. Beleive me I know how hard it is to stand your ground. I have had to do this many time,but it does work. It will get worse before it gets better but once he realizes he had no control he will start to come around to your way. I also agree you should contact an attorney and let your ex know that you are ready when ever he would like to take you to court. He wants to threaten you but he does not want to got to court. Just keep your documentation.It will help you in court.

THANK YOU SO MUCH...