I am recently seperated, about 2 months and I thought I had myself under control, the kids were having regular access with him and we were on a friendly basis. Last Sunday when he dropped the kids off, we had our usual conversation about how the weekend went and then our 7 year old daughter started talking about some woman who had spent the weekend with them, going places and shopping etc. I asked my ex what she was talking about and he smirked and said 'shes a friend'. All my nice feeling dissapeared and was replaced by a brick in the pit of my stomach. I don't think I heard a word anyone said to me for about 5 minutes while my brain went into meltdown. I composed myself beautifully, I thought, and when the kids were out of earshot, I asked again what she was talking about. He went on to tell me about this woman he's known for about a week (OMG!!) and they're just friends, someone to talk to. I must admit my first thought was to slap him, and I folded my arms not as a sign of protection, but to keep my hands from wanting to throttle the living you know whats out of him!
I was angry with him, crushed and so hurt that he could even think of having another woman around our children without warning me, without asking me and without telling me he was seeing someone in the first place. It made me feel so **** stupid and that he hadn't changed a bit from the self centered egotist I had asked to leave 2 months previously.
I stewed on it all night after he left, everything I wanted to say to him left hanging in the air while I paced and stewed! I fired off an email and let him have it with both barrels, telling him he was selfish to put his love life ahead of our children...AGAIN! How hurt I was and how the children were going to be so confused by all this so soon after he moved out! Ugh, how stupid can he be!??
My daughter asked me the next day, if I still liked Dad, I asked why and she said because he was holding hands and stuff with this woman! And what 'stuff' was she talking about? Kissing! Just friends my butt!
That was it, I needed to go and see him to have it out! So I went over on Tuesday and I yelled, I cried, I let it all out, he made feeble excuses as to why he did it ('It was bound to happen sooner or later'; 'I wanted to see how it would go') but after about an hour, he said he understood that it was probably not the best idea he ever had and he was sorry.
I told him he was not to have her there when he had the kids, and there was to be no contact of any kind (mobile calls etc) with her, he was to put the kids first and not divide his time and make them feel like poor seconds.
I could honestly say I could care less about him 'moving on', it is a kick in the guts that he's been able to move on so quickly though, but it's typical of his attitude, he comes first, always.

My stbx moved out 7 months ago. If he has someone else I am unaware of it. (Those that have read my post about being angry, though, know I DON'T CARE.) But to the point of children...my oldest (11) has mentioned many times that "If Daddy gets a girlfriend I'll hate him." So even thinking about the prospect makes him uncomfortable. It's only been 2 months for you. If he's moving on, fine. However, it is very hard on the kids to see their parents move on. That needs to be handled carefully. And I think that it's important the kids aren't involved until it's a pretty stable relationship-that don't need to be exposed to every fling. I can't believe he apolgized. I would have been told, "You can't control what I do when the kids are with me." Then he would have gone out of his way to do more of what upset me. Give your kids a hug and hang in there.

Thanks Becky. He has a son (15yo) from another relationship and I made mention of the fact his son had to 'put up with' his mother having bf after bf and then a husband and now another bf and seeing his father do the same thing until we got married and made things a bit more stable (she was also married at the time). I asked my ex if he wanted our children to be like his son, who go with the flow and just become some placid nobodys who need to fit in to his love life, not the other way round.
I think he expected me to play the placid 'go along with it' person I have been for the 8 years we were together, I turned a blind eye to a lot of things and never really stood up for myself or my kids. But he saw a different side to me, and he realised it wasn't out of jealousy (like you say Becky, I could care less!) but out of concern for our children to be exposed to his love life already after him only being with me all their lives.
I told him that our kids are precious and deserve nothing but the best we can offer them, so he'd better make sure this woman is the one before the kids are put in the mix.
The whole reason why we seperated was because he never put the kids first above everything! He knows I don't trust him and he needs to earn it back.
I asked him why he would be suprised that our daughter thinks we don't like each other when we were never mean to each other, always caring for each others feelings and never fought in front of them, we never really fought period!! I'm glad in one way I don't need a frying pan to help make him see sense...lol.

Can I borrow your frying pan?
Good for you for standing up for yourself. My boys don't like Daddy's new gf. The one before they did. They didn't want me to know they liked her but I knew they did. Actually she was better than this woman. She at least made my ex do things with the kids. New gf well she has two of her own and doesn't give a rat's ass about mine.
Dating is hard enough let alone throw two kinds with feelings into the mix. I am dating now, started out as just friends, my kids love him but they have know him for a few years too so they were used to him being around. But I can see that my oldest son is not to happy that he is becoming a part of our lives. He likes this man, he really does but he is still morning. He is past wanting Mommy and Daddy to be back together. I think he is in the "I just want the three of us to be a family, NO ONE else" stage.

I don't know what this woman is like, and quite frankly at the moment in time I don't want to know! As far as I'm concerned it's too soon for it. To be honest it's a real kick in the guts knowing he can move on so quickly (infidelity was never an issue for us), makes me wonder what I meant to him in the first place!
We have 4 kids 7yo to 16months and I have 3 older children (who are happy I finally kicked him out and stood up for myself and the children) so I have a lot to deal with without him making life even more difficult for me.
My family has been wonderful, but I'm afraid I lost an old friend over this. She hated my stbx, but got all weird when I included my sisters in my life and the drama over the children. She, in my opinion, acted the same way as my ex, getting all jealous of my children and my family and wanting me all to herself and to only consult her over everything.
As you can see I have a large family and I also come from a large family and since my parents died, my older sisters have been a rock for me, and I thought my friend was too. I'm afraid that she caught me at the wrong time to vent her feelings, with all the trouble with my ex, me not eating and no sleep tends to make me cranky and very emotional, so she copped it right back! She has therefore washed her hands of me.
I am crying daily, all day long it seems like, my life feels crappy, I know I can't imagine having a love life, and I don't want one, knowing that the 2 men I had children with turned out to be selfish abusive a*******, why on earth would I bring another potential abuser into it. I know I'm generalising, but it seems to be a failing of mine to choose buttheads!
I have told my stbx as much, that the last thing I want is another man in my childrens lives, he was awful to my children, and in some extent to his own, and my older children suffered terribly. Now he's involved with another woman who had children! I told him he was stupid, that he did such a fine job with my boys, why would he put himself in that situation again!?
I have a lot to clean up.

My ex does more with GF's kids then he EVER did with ours. The GF's girls make sure my children know about all the things they have done and all the things they are going to do, It hurts my oldest...I wish only the worst for my ex because of that.
My children would seriously be better off if he would forget they are his.....