Thanks Becky. He has a son (15yo) from another relationship and I made mention of the fact his son had to 'put up with' his mother having bf after bf and then a husband and now another bf and seeing his father do the same thing until we got married and made things a bit more stable (she was also married at the time). I asked my ex if he wanted our children to be like his son, who go with the flow and just become some placid nobodys who need to fit in to his love life, not the other way round.
I think he expected me to play the placid 'go along with it' person I have been for the 8 years we were together, I turned a blind eye to a lot of things and never really stood up for myself or my kids. But he saw a different side to me, and he realised it wasn't out of jealousy (like you say Becky, I could care less!) but out of concern for our children to be exposed to his love life already after him only being with me all their lives.
I told him that our kids are precious and deserve nothing but the best we can offer them, so he'd better make sure this woman is the one before the kids are put in the mix.
The whole reason why we seperated was because he never put the kids first above everything! He knows I don't trust him and he needs to earn it back.
I asked him why he would be suprised that our daughter thinks we don't like each other when we were never mean to each other, always caring for each others feelings and never fought in front of them, we never really fought period!! I'm glad in one way I don't need a frying pan to help make him see sense...lol.

Can I borrow your frying pan?
Good for you for standing up for yourself. My boys don't like Daddy's new gf. The one before they did. They didn't want me to know they liked her but I knew they did. Actually she was better than this woman. She at least made my ex do things with the kids. New gf well she has two of her own and doesn't give a rat's ass about mine.
Dating is hard enough let alone throw two kinds with feelings into the mix. I am dating now, started out as just friends, my kids love him but they have know him for a few years too so they were used to him being around. But I can see that my oldest son is not to happy that he is becoming a part of our lives. He likes this man, he really does but he is still morning. He is past wanting Mommy and Daddy to be back together. I think he is in the "I just want the three of us to be a family, NO ONE else" stage.

I don't know what this woman is like, and quite frankly at the moment in time I don't want to know! As far as I'm concerned it's too soon for it. To be honest it's a real kick in the guts knowing he can move on so quickly (infidelity was never an issue for us), makes me wonder what I meant to him in the first place!
We have 4 kids 7yo to 16months and I have 3 older children (who are happy I finally kicked him out and stood up for myself and the children) so I have a lot to deal with without him making life even more difficult for me.
My family has been wonderful, but I'm afraid I lost an old friend over this. She hated my stbx, but got all weird when I included my sisters in my life and the drama over the children. She, in my opinion, acted the same way as my ex, getting all jealous of my children and my family and wanting me all to herself and to only consult her over everything.
As you can see I have a large family and I also come from a large family and since my parents died, my older sisters have been a rock for me, and I thought my friend was too. I'm afraid that she caught me at the wrong time to vent her feelings, with all the trouble with my ex, me not eating and no sleep tends to make me cranky and very emotional, so she copped it right back! She has therefore washed her hands of me.
I am crying daily, all day long it seems like, my life feels crappy, I know I can't imagine having a love life, and I don't want one, knowing that the 2 men I had children with turned out to be selfish abusive a*******, why on earth would I bring another potential abuser into it. I know I'm generalising, but it seems to be a failing of mine to choose buttheads!
I have told my stbx as much, that the last thing I want is another man in my childrens lives, he was awful to my children, and in some extent to his own, and my older children suffered terribly. Now he's involved with another woman who had children! I told him he was stupid, that he did such a fine job with my boys, why would he put himself in that situation again!?
I have a lot to clean up.

My ex does more with GF's kids then he EVER did with ours. The GF's girls make sure my children know about all the things they have done and all the things they are going to do, It hurts my oldest...I wish only the worst for my ex because of that.
My children would seriously be better off if he would forget they are his.....