"If you left awhile ago and he has not contacted you or insisted you bring the children back home then I would not file anything."

Careful there as well... My ex stopped calling, got into some bad stuff and wasnt asking for the kids during his time. This went on for 3 yrs and I assumed "Great they are mine!" The kids moved on, accepted that they had lost him. 3 yrs later he starts contacting me again... I love my kids so as much as I wanted to ignore him I knew that was not the right thing to do, the kids are old enough to decide themselves and he was ok with letting them decide. They refused his calls. I told him to keep trying, they needed to see he was sincere. He knew we were going to Michigan for a vacation to see other family. He called and asked the kids if they would please let him come see them, they said ok. After that he threw down the hammer and started trying to force them for his visitation. We ended up in front of a referee last summer and HE WON... why? Because I did not file abandonment papers!!!! Because I didnt tell courts that he wasnt taking his visitation time - HE screwed up and my kids and I got screwed!!!!

Becca, back up for me. When visitation isn't being taken, what do you have to do? To what extent is this "not happening" before you would do something? Is this complete no contact, or infrequent contact?

Really reading some of the post here it just goes to show that no matter what we do we are going to be at their mercy until our children are 18...Goodness it is going to be a long 12 years for me.