I'm not one on advice here, but I am going to vent here. I am SICK AND TIRED OF FATHER'S RIGHTS!!!!! We wonder why we live in such a messed up society. Really? With the divorce rate as high as it is there are a lot of kids living in split homes. These kids are forced into and out of relatinships. They become cold, hard adults. If you want them to be compassionate adults they need to learn that...it is modeled. We are all so exhausted from trying to keep the little bit of normalcy in their lives that we can that we don't have any time or energy left to lobby for these law changes. I believe and have always believed that if a parent leaves their child, they should not be allowed to meander back into their lives and turn their lives upside down. Contact, fine. Turning their lives upside down...I don't thinks so! One reason I stayed with my stbx was to avoid all of this. He didn't have time for them when he was here so I had all of the responsibilities and did most of the things with them. I was the parent...sometimes he would wander in and be a fun friend. That's not changed, except now he sees them more. I encourage my kids to tell him how they feel and he does usually honor their wishes to staying only one night instead of 2, etc. Really, he doesn't want to be tied down to that. I'm just afraid at some point it will all blow up in my face and my kids will be hauled off kicking and crying. IT IS NOT FAIR. OK, I'll come down off my soap box now.

Amen Becky. I will stand right beside you on your soap box. I am tired of my ex getting to do what he pleases.
If you ask me, and i know you didn't but I am going to say it anyhow.
My ex held a gun to his f**king head in my bathroom right below my kids room. He claims he is a caring, loving father but he LOST HIS RIGHT to call MY children HIS that day. He shouldn't be allowed to even be close enough to my kids for them to smell his breath. I am angry at the system. I am angry at my ex. I am angry that my children are shuffled every other weekend to his house when he did not want to be a part of their lives when we were married. I like you do not have the time, energy or $ to fight so I am stuck being screwed over and over and over again by the laws.

Not only do we get screwed over and over by the laws, but the kids do too. Sad deal.

I am all for EQUAL rights... BUT he CHOOSE to not utilize his rights for 3 YEARS... and had I filed those stupid papers I wouldnt have a problem, they would have taken his rights.... but because I made a mistake THEY get screwed??? I just dont get it...
And my issue with giving my kids advice like "run away" the night before (I have to drive them 500 miles to their father) then I can call cops and say Oh my they ran away.... is that I raised my kids too well I think - they respect everyone and everything... They hate going, but they arent rebellious so have a hard time telling Dad "I am not coming" if they wont tell him I cant do much... THey are having a hard time fighting for themselves (to me they tell me everything just fine because we have great communication) but they FEAR telling him?!?!?!

I might accept EQUAL rights if equal RESPONSIBILITIES went along with it. Up until the separation I did 98% of the parenting, homemaking, etc. and worked full time as well. So I would be dead dog tired as I paid OUR bills, did OUR dishes, fought with OUR kids over homework, etc. Yet now he gets to waltz in a take time with MY kids away from me? If he had stepped up to the plate while we were still married I may feel differently. I feel cheated. He decided to control the situation with our divorce by not paying one dime toward child support or our other financial obligations. Yet he has equal rights? I guarantee if he knew his rights would be infringed upon if he didn't take care of his responsibilities I wouldn't have to be paying an attorney to get child support. Rights and responsibilities should go hand-in-hand.

I agree. It used to be if you didnt pay child support you didnt get your visitation... I AGREE wish it was still that way!!! Now if you lose your job or something I understand - go to the court explain the situation, but take responsibility... If I didnt buy food my kids CPS would take them away! But they (non custodial parents, women or men) just figure this is "extra" money for us?? ??? grrr...
Talked with my kids. Told them they HAVE to start NOW telling him they dont want to go for Christmas... My son refuses to "run" away- Daughter would... Told him its more like a play that we put on for the courts and their father... I dunno whats gonna happen....

Wishing you luck. My kids are 8 and 11. I, too, tell them they have to tell their dad how they feel. Now, if your kids make the time together completely miserable, chances are "Dad" will think twice before another extended stay. Not that I want your kids to be miserable, but we all know teens can make things very unpleasant when they decide to.