If you were a stay at home mother and wife you will be entitled to spousal support. Although you do not say, did you ever work during your marriage? If so, spousal support would be limited, if any...just depends on how capable you are at providing for yourself and if the court would find him liable for missed career oportunities due to child rearing.
As for leaving the house.....if the deed to the house is in your name and his name then the home belongs to both of you, the actual settlement amount (percentage of the home that is yours versus the percentage that is his) wil be up for debate. Normally, even if you leave the home, 50% belongs to you and 50% belongs to him. The person the remains in the home will be responsible for the payments on the home and the upkeep, this would be the fair amount to live in the home while the divorce is pending.
A judge may rule that the home is sold, he may rule that it be granted to one or the other of you, it just depends if it really needs to go to a judge for a ruling.
Divorce is like compiling everything you own and everything you owe and splitting it down the middle, he gets his half and you get yours, half of both the assets and debt. It is when the two of you can not agree on which half is yours and which half is his that a judge would get envolved. If the two of you can agree then there would be nothing for the judge to rule on, just to grant the divorce.
Normally in longer term marriages when their is spousal support up for consideration it may take much longer than you anticipate to get agreement on everything, the good news is there is no need for child support or custody to battle, this will save you considerable.
I guess the question is, are you capable of supporting yourself, have you ever had an income or were you just a stay at home mom and wife. ONce this is answered then you can determine the best way forward. If you were exclusively at stay at home wife and mother then you should not exhaust you energy finding a job now, you never had to work prior and should not have to consider doing so now. He should leave the home, pay for your expenses, including an attorney until the divorce is final. If on the other hand you are capable of working and have worked during your marriage then you should probably move out, contact legal aid and start the divorce process, legal aid will work better for you if you have limited or no income. Legal aid will also work better for you if you are in the same county as the divorce. Regardless, legal aid or if the exs needs to pay for your attorney, either way he does not control the divorce, you do, you just need to figure out who to contact to be your attorney, legal aid or an attorney that will file for immediate legal bills and spousal support.
If you are going into divorce proceedings you probably want to be in the same city or nearby so you can appear in court. If you did stay with your parents, you could do it for a time period in your mind that is short term, to file the divorce, & until proceedings are complete when the house/property would be divided. I would also research online all of the rules in your state as to divorce & division of property. There are variations state to state.
I don't know if there are temp jobs in your area but if you did stay with your folks for a short time, it could give you some flexibility yet you are still near your children & in town to go to court.
You're not alone in the trauma of the whole thing, there are many of us.
I was a stay-at-mom. However, when my kids were almost grown, I went back to school and got a Masters in Art Education. I have looked fanatically for the past four years for a job as an art teacher, to no avail. I have worked on and off as an Instructional Assistant over those four years, never earning more than 17K. All the degree left me with was a huge debt that I am unable to pay. My husband refuses to leave the house. The house is in both our names. If I leave, do I lose that 50% of the sale? I am currently on disability for Major Depressive Disorder. I am facing the real possibility of having to quit my job. I work with special needs kids, whom I love, but one of the students I was assigned to this year really made me uneasy. I would actually make more money working a minimum wage job. I was working in the school, trying to get a foot in the door. It's not happening. My parents live in another state. I seriously don't know what to do. I feel completely overwhelmed and stuck. Thank you for your thoughtful responses. So often, I just feel like running away...