I have been having issues with my 9 year old having bellyaches when he comes home from his Dad's house. My ex took him to the ER which was uncalled for and all his lab work came back great. There is nothing physically wrong with my son (like I tried to tell my ex). Well my ex had been hounding me to take him to our family dr to get rechecked, as the orders from the ER stated. You know the normal "follow up with your family doctor in 5 to 7 days" they tell you to do. My Dr's office had been super busy and I just got him in yeasterday ( a month later) Well I have been taking my son to the drs for nervous stomach since he was 4 and started school so they are aware of everything that has been happening in my sons "medical life" I told my son that when the dr asked him what was happening he was to be completely honest with her because if he wasn't she would not know how to treat him. That said when she asked him why he was getting bellyaches he told her that he normally get them when he is upset or nervous. I told her that his last bellyach was 3 weeks ago, the last time he visited his Dad. I explained that most of the time he said he was sick he was with Dad, doesn't comliain when he is with me.
Doctor wrote up report whech states that my son has anxiety when he is with Dad although no physical or mental abuse is an concern. She stated that I told her that he doesn't complain when he is with me. She said that he appears to be suffering because he is having trouble adjusting to a bad situtation. She also included the dates that my son first started to complain ( aug20th) She said that if the problem continues to have him se a therapist. ( which I have done, still has bellyaches when he is with Dad)
Now with that said, Do I have the right to ask for lower visitation for Dad? Does that make me an alienating parent? I am only looking out for my son. I don't want this to be a continuing problem or a problem that can be stopped in its tracks. I don't want it effecting his school, social life or health.
All of you know by now how I feel about my ex's rights to call my babies his. I have been the main provider for my boys since day ONE. I am the one who knows how to calm my son down to stop the bellyaches and my ex has his head in the sand telling me the same thing he told me when I told him I was unhappy " There's nothing wrong with how I parent "
Okay then why does he complain only when he is with his Dad?
I just don't know what to do. Dr sent a report to my ex, I'm sure he is going to LOVE that. I wish I could talk to him but he refuses to listen. What do I have the right to do?

You always have a right to ask the ocurt to modify the visitation schedule however they will most likely not honor your motion of request.
In a nut shell the court will Basically tell you, you have a visitation schedule with a father that causes your child to become sick/upset. This is your childs birthright, like it or lump it it is his father and he should continue to visit his father and feel the way it makes him feel.
I do not agree with how the courts operate but you will probably also get a court order to keep him in with a therapist. Sucks!!
During my custody battle my son was 11 or 12, he had the same issue. I did not have a very good attorney and he had the attorney from you know where. Anyway I brought this same issue up to the court and the exs attorney twisted and turned it so many ways that it appeared to be my causing the issue. I soon learned to let it lay. I did end up with taking the son to manditory court ordered therapy. The exs attorney picked the mandatory therapist that was not covered by my insurance at 100 per hour, 2 times per week and there was nothing I could do but comply and go broke atg the same time (attorney, spousal support, therapy....all court ordered). Sucked too. I am so glad to be rid of the sob.

Any chance of compromise here? I know, Lisa, that your ex isn't much into compromise. I also hear what ld is saying about the stupid judges that put fathers above the children. My children generally only stay with their dad 1 night instead of two, but when the kids are with me for a weekend he usually has a couple of hour visit at some point. That is working much better for my kids than a whole weekend away and then nothing on the next. We live in close (too close) proximity, so I know that could be a factor as well. Just a thought.

THis all SUCKS. It is so unfair how a judge will put the father's rights over the children.
Beckey I tried to talk to him, he just gets angry with me. I'm sure I'm gonna be in some deep dodo with him because of this...but he wanted the dr visit.
When he lived in the area it was better. THe kids seen him for a few hours on Tuesday, every other weekend for a few hours and one over night a month. They adjusted very well with that. Now no, they hate going. I guess like Id said I just have to let it lay. Hard to watch my baby get upset and angry about going to his Dad's house. For more reason then one. I hate that he doesn't like his Dad. Truly I wish they had a good relationship, children do need both parents but then my ex is the one messing that up.
he is the one who messed all of this crap up....and me and my children are teh ones who suffer.

Hey Lisa,

I find when I read your posts i get really wound up!

It seems that no matter what common sense advice you are given the court will just over ride with some nonsense that only serves your ex. Madness!

As for the ex being able to pick a therapist and mom has to pay for it???? My mind is baffled at the stupidity of it, obviously a vindictive ex is going to pick the expensive one! why are the judges over there unable to see the unfairness?

Im out of advice Lisa (unless you have children's advocacy? Someone who represents the best interest of your child and neither parent?) but you have my sympathy and I feel frustration on your behalf.

The law's an ass!

Thank you Abbey. I have heard via a very good family attorney that once upon a time PA was considered a "Mommy State" and is trying to relieve themselves of the term so the judges are ruling in favor of the Fathers. To hell with fairness. Through out my custody I kept hearing the term "best interest of the children" I guess the best interest of my children is to be with a man who has done all my ex has done. If the court was really interested in the best interest of the children, children would not be forced to be with abusive fathers or drug addicted fathers.
A friend of mine her and her child's father are not married. She leaves him for good reason. She files for child support. He moved to another state (5 hours away) and a female friend of his suggests he file for custody so that he don't have to pay support (child is only 2 years old he hasn't seen her in at least 6 months, she doesn't really know him) He has a warrant out for his arrest and the judge tells my friend that she has to send her daughter with him anyhow. SHe ( the judge) grants father visitation with child starting with an extended Thanksgiving weekend, so they can reunite (LOL). Funny thing he doesn't even show up for hearing because he knows if he steps foot in court house he will go back to jail. Normally there is a bench warrant put in place for anyone who is a no show but judge waves this reason "Everyone needs a second chance" REALLY?!?! So if my friend baby is with her father and he gets arrested then what? Judge doesn't care, after all it's not her child...
It just goes to show how unfair the courts can be. If my friend would have been the no show she would be in jail and her baby would be with the useless father right now...
My sons will be okay, I will be okay. I will fight for them over and over and over again. I will make us okay. When I feel like I am at a loss and am at the end of my strength I will dig deep and find with in myself the strength to fight for them one more time.

Lisa,

the strength you have for your children is apparent.

You are right, you and your boys will be just fine in spite of the law you have to swim against.