my stbx and i are currently separated and the divorce will be final about march. He is extremely controlling, and there was an affair on my part precipitating the divorce. My mom is also extremely controlling, and i am looking at possibly moving out of state in a few years, were were are i have family and he lives here, but there are not as many work opportunities in my field, and since my husband and i broke up my mom has taken to micromanaging every aspect of my life. It is making me crazy, and I can see her doing it from now on because she figures since im single i cant do anything on my own. my kids are 5 and 6, and she actually threatened to take the kids away from me if i moved. can she do that??? at what age would the kids be able to handle long distance visitation? I don't want to hurt my kids but i don't want to live on my moms leash forever either and there is no asking her to change. I feel so trapped. any advise would b helpful.
one more thing to add to the mix, the affair is serious, its on hold now while everything settles but we may revisit it later. there are two states between us, another reason im considering moving. but i dont want to do it if it would really be to hard on the kids. how do you balance?
Have you contacted an attorney? If I were you I would call an attorney BEFORE you do ANYTHING! If you move and your ex gets mad he will just have the courts bring you back. You will be branded with a scarlet letter in a matter of speaking. A runner in the eyes of the court. He may end up woth custody if you screw up and run.
Mom CAN NOT take your kids from you. Unless you are deemed as a unfit mother. Then custody will go to Dad if he wants it..Only way Mom is going to get custody is if you and your ex both agree to her keeping the kids.
As for long distance visitations. My SIL now lives in Pa with my brother her ex lives in Texas. Their 7 year old flyes to Texas twice a year. My cousin was 4 the first time he was put on a flight from GA to PA to visit his Dad. The court see it as your responsibility to get the kids to him if you move. If he allows you to move. Either you put them on a flight or you drive them to him. They don't care as long as he is able to practice his time of visitation.
Is there a way you can get a job and move into an apartment on your own? In order to move you must provide to the court that where you are moving will benefit the kids. Check into the school in teh area you wish to move, check out jobs in the area that will provide a better life for your kids, LOOK into EVERYTHING.
As for the affair. No one is perfect. Everyone has the right to be forgiven. I was cheated on, if my ex would have had a meaningful affair I might have been able to forgive it more than the meaningless sex with other woman..weird but somehow it would have made me feel better if it was more than just sex.
Don't move in with this other man, it will cause you problems in court. I promise you that. Try to keep your relationship with him apart for your relationship with the kids. Remember they are suffering by the lose of Mommy and Daddy together. To throw another man into their lives may only cause problems. I am dating a man who knew and love my kids before the divorce and my kid love him. At first when I told them that we were going to be spending more time together they were a little taken back but have enjoyed it. We do things with the kids, it's all about the kids when they are with me. weekends they are with Dad is for "us" time. He does not take first place when teh kids are here. That is how I have balanced dating and children. It seems to be working. I think they would rather be with him then me lol. Ease your kids into the relationship. If you can prepare your kids for moving. be it from Grandmas house right down the road or to another state. Just asure them that it will be okay either way. Good luck