He told the kids that we agreed to the divorce, but I did not. He woke up and decided he wanted a divorce, left, took the money and hired a lawyer. He has and is continuing to take and turn everything upside down. I wanted to grow old with him. I would have loved him forever if he allowed me to. Through the perfect and flawed days, everyday. I guess that would be through good times and bad, the promise we made to each other. What he does not see is not only did he break my heart and mind, but he broke the kids hearts and minds. He stopped wanting to be married, and he forever changed all of our lives. All thou there is this system to move us through and along with our lives, it hurts. I know there is no time limit to healing for any of us, I just pray everyday that god, that higher spirit, our guardian angels are watching over us, keeping us safe and will lead me in the right direction. And soon will the pain will subside?

May, I am sorry to hear what you are going through. My stbx also told my kids, and everyone else, that this was a mutual decision. Coward. He can justify everything. He is so selfish he really doesn't care how it affects anyone else. I was right there with you-for better of for worse. I, too, didn't want this. But I have to say, I am sooooo thankful he is gone! That's the best thing he's ever done for me. Watching our kids suffer the hurt is the greatest pain any of us endure. There will be better days ahead, but it is a roller coaster ride. Praying for inner strength for you. Hugs.

My ex did the same thing as well...said it had nothing to do with the other woman. They all find something else to blame it on. They are cowards who do not have the guts to claim what they have done. It has been almost 5 years into my divorce now and he still hasn't changed, but I have.

Like you, I thought I would always love him with all my heart. I did up until the very end, but little by little he destroyed that love like he destroys everything else he wants to get rid of. I will tell you...if it wasn't for his affair and his lies, I would probably still be with him now, but who wants to live a lie, who wants to live with someone selfish and thoughtless, who wants to look over their shoulder and wonder if you don't please him...will he be gone again? NOT ME.

Like you, I would have loved my ex "always"...that is how we signed all our cards to each other. I guess what I thought was "always" wasn't what he thought of as "always". I know the pain you are feeling now. I know how you ache for the pain of your children. But when he is gone and you stand back in time and see the man he really was...or should I say...really wasn't, your feelings for him will die as well.

If I were where you are in this divorce right now and reading this letter I am writing... I would say to myself, no, not me, I will "always" love him...but if you allow your self time to heal and allow yourself to let go little by little...it happens. I haven't yet, but I feel I could fall in love again with someone else. I know I could. My ex's girlfriend can have him...for the rest of his life if she wants...I know what I want and deserve now and I will find someone who can lovingly share their life with me someday. Not all men are selfish cowards...I am finding this out.

Love can blind you if you let it...but true love from someone who really loves you can change your life in a good way. I thought, when my ex walked out the door that I was living a cursed life. I wanted to curl up and shrink away...but I had two boys who needed me, people who loved me and a Lord who knew I deserved a better life than the way my ex was treating me over time. My divorce became a blessing in ways I never thought possible. The only regret I have is what my children went through. I saw things my ex never did. Pain I wish he could have seen. These men think it is nothing to just destroy a family and to piece together a new one. Shame on them and any woman who is involved in doing it with them as well. Life goes on and time heals...but there are scars these men will never see. BUT THERE ARE BLESSINGS AS WELL if you can ride it all out and take hold of the lessons you learn along the way. You are in my prayers as is everyone else here. Hang on and stay strong. There is an end.

Susan

It is really tough. Feels like being thrown under the bus. It has helped me to stay close to The Lord & to try to understand it in terms of being a Christian & that oftentimes doing what is right is sometimes looked down upon. If you can continue to feel good about your decisions, your choices, this will serve you well ongoing. Jesus is our Savior & HE IS OUR SPOUSE.
Big Hugs.

Amen to that, JLVR. We are never alone.

Susan

Susan, that's right. With every blow, loss, that comes in my life, whatever it might be & we all have them at times, it's almost like this shattering of the familiar, the piecing together with more pieces, as during loss we are scattered. Then it's enlarging the view, but with God & together with others, seeing more clearly through spiritual eyes. The ACTION of the HEART (LOVE) grows, englarging. GOD IS LOVE.
It's about ACTION, LOVING & always with OUR SAVIOR, JESUS CHRIST!