Abbey, I also agree with everyone else. Take time away from BOTH. You worry about not being fair or hurting them...you are not being fair to yourself and it seems you are hurting. You really should just let them both go for now and do some self work so you know what you want. And when you are done, one or both or neither will be waiting, and you will have your answer. It's your life and life is what you make it. I mentioned in another post I am impatient and want all of this over now and want to be healed now, but I know it is going to take time. Give yourself time. If you don't, it's another day of not healing. These things don't resolve overnight, so mentally prepare yourself for some hard work, then make you move and get to it. You'll be better off in the end.
Abbey,
I recommend taking a step back and asking yourself what you admire, respect and cherish in a partner regarding character and fundamental values. Did your husband fulfill these qualities? If not then why would you want to go back with him? Ask the same questions about yourself. I believe women truly choose partners at the level of their self esteem. If you are feeling depressed, insecure or bad about yourself, you may be vulnerable towards making decisions that aren't healthy for you. No man defines you or your happiness. It sounds like you have some soul searching & healing to go through. In the meantime be kind to yourself.
Thank you Sue and actually my self esteem has taken a knock of late. I do feel that my partner deserves someone better than me, hes a good guy and Im very all over the place, which he doesnt deserve.
As for my ex, well he is so many things all rolled into one and it depends which one I am dealing with. It appears that he wants so desperately to get things right but insists that he needs me to be able to do it.
I know he shouldnt need anyone, thing is yes the marriage had its problems (which he recognises) but he wasnt like he is now. People did respect his ability to get things done, his drive and ambition. Now he's just a big mess. One good thing is that his arrogance seems to have got burried to a degree.
Today was a hard day and didnt go too well.
It would seem I now have insomnia...thats a new one, usually I escape to sleep.
Don't beat yourself up too badly- love is complicated, and we can only do our best. In fact, I'm sure you're a wonderful woman or you wouldn't have two men so captivated. :)
You should maybe consider talking to a close friend or councilor. You shouldn't have to go through all of this in secret. That sounds stressful. Hang in there, and good luck!
