This maybe a bit long, but I'll try to condense it down. I know there will be people out there that will be judgemental of me, and that is fine. You didn't walk in my shoes through my marriage.
After 14 years of a verbally abusive marriage along with my ex wanting me to preform "favors" for his friends and whoever else he thought needed a pick me up...I ended up having an affair. I met this man who is nothing like my husband at the time. He told me I was pretty and funny and all the good things a woman wants to hear. He did not find out about it, I told him...I came clean with him. My now ex has played my two children, with whom I raised pretty much single handidly. I wasn't allowed to take them with me when I moved out. Over his dead body was he going to pay me child support.
Anyhow, 3 years later,I am still with the man that I had the affair with. He is a wonderful man and I'm crazy for him. We have talked about moving in with one another. The only problem is, he lives 2 hours from where I live.
My now ex decided he was going to move him and the kids to a neighboring state. My daughter seemed very happy about the possible move and I supported her. I didn't want her to go, but if it made her happy then thats all I needed. Since they were moving, I had made plans to move the 2 hours to be with my boyfriend. My ex has now changed his mind and isn't moving. My daughter is now upset with me because I'm moving away. She tells me that I'll move away and forget about them. Oh, by the way, when we told the kids we were getting divorced, my ex made me tell the kids why...if I didn't he was. So they know that I had this affair. My daughter for the most part seems ok with him. But when this whole moving issue came up...she acted like she couldn't stand him and doesn't want to have anything to do with him. The only thing that will make her happy is if I tell her that I won't move. Really giving my this guilt trip. I don't know what to do. I have no plans on changing what I plan to do this next summer. I don't know what more I can say to her because, again, all she wants to hear is that I'm not moving. Any advice???

Teens are tough anyway. My kids are 16 and 10. In all honesty, if I met a man like that, I'd cheat! Mine treats me like crap anyway, told him I want a divorce a million times he won't move out and he won't treat us better. The move is tough. How often do you see the kids now? How much of a change will it be? Does she just see "mom cheated" or does she see WHY? Maybe if she can understand all you put up with to hold the family together but then just couldn't do it anymore, maybe she won't be so harsh. But it is so hard, I'd just give it time, have an open and loving relationship with her. If the move won't have much of an effect on how often you see them, go for it. Or if it will have a minor effect, see if talking by phone will help. Or wait if you need to and stay for her. She's going through enough. I know it's hard. Guilt keeps me here. I would leave this house in a second but I won't leave my kids. I'd take them with me but I know it will devastate them to leave their home. So I suck it up and cry only when no one is looking. Is she old enough for a real heart-to-heart or still too young to really get it? It's tough when you are trying to be there for your kids but also not lose yourself in the process. I think if I were in that situation, I'd hold off the move. Make sure she feels you will never abandon her, make sure she has no fears. If she gets to that place of understanding, go then. Your bf will understand. Good luck.

I'm sorry that you're in the situation you're in. I held it together for as long as I could. I actually caught him cheating one time with another guy, but I still stuck it out for another 5 years. I was like you. I cried when everyone was asleep or I was alone.
My daughter will be 13 in one week. So for me to have a frank conversation on what a monster her dad was is out of the question. So she cannot reason why I cheated...she can only see that I did cheat. I hold out hope though that when she is older and in a loving relationship herself, that she can see the light and forgive me.
Even though I can't stand to be around my ex anymore, we do get along for the kids. So, I can get the kids whenever and for however long I want. The last 3 weekends she has been with me all weekend. I told her that I will come and get her whenever she wants me too when I move. Nothing short of me staying will make her happy.
My BF would understand if I chose to stay. But financially, after June of next year, I will no longer be able of afford where I am living. I have an older daughter who's father passed away. Her benefits have been helping out and makes it so we are able to live on our own. My job alone will not cover us with having to pay him child support. So moving is really the only option I have and I have also explained this to her.
I just hope that once she sees that I'm texting her or calling her when she isn't around and me coming to get her when she asks to come visit that it will put her mind at ease. Two hours isn't bad...my BF and I have been doing it now for 2 plus years.

This is what really stuck out to me:

"My now ex has played my two children, with whom I raised pretty much single handidly. I wasn't allowed to take them with me when I moved out. Over his dead body was he going to pay me child support.""

In some states, you may be able to modify your custody arrangement if you want to. Unfortunately for him, it's a judge who determines whether or not someone pays child support, and not your ex.

The courts tend to frown upon people who try to damage a parent's relationship with their children. I'd talk to an attorney, because your situation seems very unfair.

Good luck,
Mary
stearns-law.com