Yes, when we don't react it does put us in the drivers seat and sends them into a tale spin at times. There is something else, another quote I liked to follow...."Smile, because it makes them think you are up to something." When they come at you with demands or try to put you down just wear that smile and don't say a thing, it does wonders.

Susan

Susan, I smile all the time, Now. LOL
before & now. I really was happily married to now ex. But he was not happy in his life no matter. he would be thrilled at first, give it his all but get bored quickly with people & familiarity. Then he would act up like a little kid, anger, leaving, abuse.
I think the smiles would make him upset as he is Not able to live In Love. He can love & loved me but he blocks it within himself.
Anyways.. yeah. smiling is great. I don't get it when people don't smile unless they have been hurt then I do understand where it comes from.. but being happy in self does help & smiling!
life's too short to not be happy.
When we are hurt is when one tries to change things.
I know ex just didn't want to remain happy.. it was not what he understood nor his life patterns.. he has to mess it up. what ever!
i'm smiling too.

JLVR, my ex sounds a lot like yours. He was never happy for very long. He was never abusive except for maybe verbally at the end of our marriage during his affair or when he wanted to manipulate me in some way. Then he really put me down looking for ways to justify his actions with this other girl. He always seems to be looking for his happiness, but he never really finds it. Anything new and different makes him happy for a while, anything that brings him more money makes him happy, any praise for who he is or what he does makes him happy...etc...but he never really cared if anyone around him was happy. In fact, if other's were happy he was more apt to be jealous of what they had or what made them happy if he did not have it. He is a man who always needs more. Not saying it isn't good to succeed or reach for what makes you happy, but when you have to destroy others to get it then that is a different story altogether.

Susan

Becky, thanks. It was rather like ACT & RE ACT.
he was Act & I was Re Act. Oh I can relate.
With the abusers though they have patterns & once they are learned, yep, one doesn't have to re act as much or at least when the cycle breaks as it does because it has to start over again & again (cycle of abuse), THEN I was able to stay off the merry go round.

you guys are all right. it can be so frustrating though. I just learned everything we have been fighting over in terms of him having another kid and all was all a LIE. for what? and now he expects me to take him back. he still cheated though. I asked him why when I'm pregnant would you do this and continue to do things to hurt me? all he could say is I was so mad at you. FOR WHAT?!?! Being ****** at you for lying and cheatting??? SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?! I don't get this b.s

When my ex would come back and we would try to make it work... I would ask him the same thing...why would you do and say such lies etc...His answer, "Because my lawyer made me say those things." He never even took blame for something if he could push it off on someone else. The funny thing was...if he didn't give his lawyer information that they could twist and use against me, his lawyer would have no lies to comeback with in the first place and I don't believe it was all his lawyer anyways...My ex thinks everyone is an idiot and is going to believe his lies. It's an ego thing. Just glad I don't have to live with him anymore. I still have to deal with him...but I can shut my door at the end of the day.

Susan

My ex struggled with ego issues too. Always caring about appearances, was ok with lying instead of being honest with others & himself. He flip flopped on things so often & would not walk a straight path of what was real for him. SO, he unravelled all of what coulda shoulda been.
YEP it's ego issues!