I think basically my little man is not a phone talker in general. after my STBX left us, he didn't tell my son goodbye or why he left to give my son some sort of confirmation... 'that it wasn't our son's fault and that he would always love him'...you know, the typical cliche of the divorcing parents...my son got it all from me though. I kept telling my STBX that our son deserved to hear it from his father but my STBX responded with, "I don't feel like he's ready to hear that." Well, he certainly wasn't ready for you to abandon him either...so, you need to tell him something! So, I was the one who told him how daddy had to leave because he couldn't communicate right with mommy but it had nothing to do with you and that daddy will always love you no matter what. After my STBX left, he didn't call for 9 days. My son talks to him now but his dad only wants to talk about what my son ate for dinner or if he went to school that day...nothing else and when my son tries to finish the call with, "Okay, well, I love you and I am going to go." My STBX tells him "No, I still want to talk with you." and keeps talking about broccoli or food with vitamin c in it...so, my son resorted to lying to get off the phone with his dad that night. It blew my mind because my son is a sweet, honest boy (not a liar ever)but he did something he felt he had to do to achieve his space.It made me laugh because it was comical and yes, I am angry at my cowardly liar of a STBX but I didn't revel in it nor did I pride my son for fibbing. I just thought it was remarkable that he came up with it on his own....self preservation~
Since then, I have talked with my son and told him that honesty is the only way. That it was alright to tell his dad that he didn't want to talk to him at times and that his dad will understand if he is firm about it. I am the one who set up the time schedule because, after all he did to us in rocking our world apart, I still believe that our son deserves both parents. I made it at a certain time each night so my STBX wouldn't call at any given hour like he started to do (which was a major disruption to our lives).
Tonight, my son talked to his dad, told him a fly joke...talked about school, said, "I love you." and hung up...peaceful enough.
But...my STBX needs some serious parenting classes to reconnect that bond he severed a month ago.
I think scheduled calls are so stupid. My boys have to make a scheduled call to their Dad every Tuesday. They hate it, My oldest son looks at me like I'm telling him to clean the toilet or something when I tell him its time to call Dad. He HATES talking on the phone. He will only call his Dad's house phone and if he is not there then he refuses to call his cell. "He'll call me back once he sees I called" He is a bullheaded child. Calls only last 5 mins. My youngest hasn't talked to his Dad but 5 times on the phone (in 2 years) he don't want to stop playing to talk or sometimes he just don't want to. They ( my boys) have had fights over this when Dad is on the phone. My youngest just flat out tells him "I'm NOT talking to him"
In this mess we have created for our children, regardless of the circumstances and the knowledge that it needed to happen, our children feel very out of control of everything in their lives. I see this as one way they can feel they have just a tiny bit of control. When My kids are with their dad my oldest calls me often, but I never talk to my youngest. It's just a difference in kids I guess. And I don't call them either, as much as I'd like to. That's their time together.
I don't call my kids either. I figure his time is his time, as much as I hate it.
When I went to Texas last year for 2 weeks. I called my boys every night, they were at my Moms house and my youngest NEVER talked to me. I would hear him say to my Mom "tell her I love her" That was it. They are not phone people, didn't hurt my feelings as long as I knew they were okay I was fine.