Re: Surviving broken down marriage & and finances until 11th grader gets to college
The ninth grader may need a lil conciling. At least offer it. You will know the day you are going to get out. On that day. Get out!!! Dont look back. Ever! Find yourself and start living for you, the the kids will start to live for themselves. They will mock your strength, change, and ability to have and handle both and all curve balls in life. All the while the three of you will be living for yourselves.
Best wishes for the dust you leave behind. I speak from experience.
G
Re: Surviving broken down marriage & and finances until 11th grader gets to college
This sounds like a profoundly difficult and stressful situation. Good for you for hanging in there on behalf of your kids. This must be exhausting.
I wrote an article called "Six Steps to Take When You Feel Divorce is Imminent." I'll post it here, because you really should start planning and protecting yourself. If you know you're going to leave and you can remain rational, you really will have the upper hand. Good luck!
1. Obtain legal advice before taking major action
Unless you re in a violent or unsafe environment, talk with a trusted legal advisor before making any important decisions. A lawyer can help you decide how to navigate through the difficult issues, like when to leave the household, whether or not to discuss infidelity, and how to best care for your children.
2. Talk to a therapist or counselor
While marriage counseling can be helpful in resolving difficult issues, once a divorce is imminent, having your own therapist can help you keep your stress in perspective. People often give up if counseling doesn t work to save their marriage, and they see their own happiness as a lost cause. Taking care of your own happiness is important for you and your family, and it will help you to stay strong during difficult times. Furthermore, confiding in friends could backfire or be used as evidence.
3. Consider a collaborative divorce
Collaborative divorce is a process that allows for both parties to say balanced, positive, and productive. You can read more about it here.
4. Protect your children
If you can stay relaxed during these emotional proceedings, your children will have a much easier time. Try not to bad-mouth your spouse or unload on your children. From a legal standpoint a court will attempt to limit any act that might alienate the child s affection for the other party, and a court may side with the less volatile parent. On top of the legal damages, open hostility towards a spouse promotes anger, resentment, and self-blame in children.
5. Protect your credit rating
Close any joint accounts, or block your spouses access. Try to spend your spouses income first, marital income second, and your own income last. Establish your own bank account and set up a nest egg.
6. Inventory
Make an inventory of your family possessions, spending, and budget. Copy any documents that may serve as proof during a trial. Tax returns, all banking materials, mortgage documents, monthly bills, and pay stubs will give you an advantage when negotiating your financial future.
