At my attorney's advice, I have been living in the same house with my STBX. I will be the one leaving as he wants to continue living here and I don't. It hasn't been as bad as most people would imagine. Oh sure, we've had our tiffs, plenty of them.
Now it is getting close to the end of the divorce process and the thought of leaving is horrifying me. I'll be with my daughter until I can find a place. That's 135 miles from where I am right now. I feel sad at leaving. While going through the divorce, there has actually been some bonding, even though we both still want the divorce.
I don't know what I expect to get from writing this. I just feel sad. I remember all the good times.
Change is hard, regardless of whether it's the best thing for us or not. At present I am living in the marital home, my stbx is at his Dad's. I don't want to stay-can't afford to stay, either. I am very afraid for what will come when the house sells (it's not on the market yet). I am excited to think of living closer to my family and friends (our home is in HIS community, a community where I have never felt welcome), but I am terrified at the unknown. Wishing you piece this holiday season.
What you are going through is very normal. Get the book "He's History, You're Not." My STBX and I were married for 30 years, but I knew it was time. He had become sexless and loveless. I was not alone, just lonely. I know there is something wonderful out there just waiting to happen. It is always scary when you have to be the sole provider.