Discuss your troubles, compare ex's, offer suggestions, and share stories!
I agree with you. When the CYS workers were leaving the guy told me that he had a feeling this was a "custody issue" when he was talking to the kids. I think they should take action against my ex and his GF for this. I fully intent to get a copy of the report from CYS. Even if it is just for me. My attorney is working now to see what can be done about this. IDK what will happen, most likely nothing thats how the justice system works.
Some where in my county a child was beaten or starved or mistreated while they wasted their time asking me what kind of medication I was taking and looking at my spoiled brats (lol) room.
I truly think that if you make a false charge then you should foot the bill not the tax payers. It would cut done on a lot of wild goose chases.
Poor people had to travel up my road in the middle of a snow storm when it was 9 degrees for nothing.
wow!! your story sounds familiar with my ex we separated when my son was 2 1/2 yrs old and that man harassed me like crazy. I did put a restraining order on him. Go to the courts ASAP! Men like that you need to be careful with. However I never denied him his son. What happen between he and I has nothing to do with our son. The only time I forbid him seeing my son was when it got out of control picking and or dropping him off on weekends. Similar situation as yours happen to me too many times. My restraining order wasn't final so I told him since he doesn't know how to behave in front of our son he had to wait until the court order was final and issued. What I did when final was I set a common area such as a relative exp. in laws, aunts, etc.a place where he wouldn't behave like a loose canon. I would drop my son at my in laws or they would pick him up at my place and vice versa. that prevented any confrontation. not good in front of the kids at all. another things If your kids are saying they don't want to go see their dads, trust me that not good either it will back fired against you in the future. Even though it sucks but he is their dad., nothing you can do about that. Trust my son is 16 and if anything he recent his dad not me. Which is great!!!! I put up a lot of crap from his dad I deserve that at least. Also, these men are all talk. Ignore him walk away, seriously the less you say the less headaches you'll have and your kids will be more relax. His GF? they belong together for sure. Oh yeah I did record him b/c he was leaving harassing voice messages which start nice and kind and ended verbally abusive. I took the recording the state attorneys office. Apparently it is a felony. This happen along time ago I don't remember to well the legalities but maybe it will give you some ideas of what to do. Good luck!!
I do not talk to my ex during pick ups and drop off if at all possible. Usually the kids just get out of my truck and get in to his. There have been times when my ex will come to the window and I put it down just enough to hear him. I am not the one putting our kids in the middle of things. My ex started that the day he took my kids from me, 11 days with out my babies, I was broken hearted. I get them back and HE had already told them that he was getting a lawyer, that Mommy was trying to keep them from him, and that the courts would decide who was going to be their parent. HE failed to explain any of what he said and decided that taking care of them full time was to much so he dropped them off at my Mother's house and told her to call me to come get them. So I was the one who had to explain what all that meant to a 8 and 5 year old. They should never have been told about judges and courts and custody orders. My ex told them what he wanted them to hear and failed to tell them the truth. Making me look like the bad guy. I had to clean up his mess again. I have been cleaning up his messes since. HE tells them all the time about our court hearings. I only tell them something if it means their schedule is going to change. i.e dates of visits or times. Other than that they don't need to know that Mommy and Daddy are in court over child support, taxes or anything else. But one weekend at their Dad's and they know all about how Mommy is trying to bleed Daddy dry. In the beginning we had it set up that his father picked the kids up at my house, but he don't live with them anymore he lives 3 hours away now. I am trying to get it back to his Dad getting them for him. I love his Dad and he loves me, he hates all of this but can't say anything because that is his son I understand it.
I have always told my boys to love and respect their Dad. I have even against my own wants told them to respect his GF, she is after all an adult. I tell them it is okay to be nice to her and to like her, she is going to be a part of their life. I don't want my children unhappy. When they both see him flying off the handle and yelling at me they tend to lose a little respect for him. And seeing GF go crazy was not good at all. Yes, I did yell back at her, I told my boys that I shouldn't have said the things I said to her and I was wrong. I do not play the victim when it comes to things I am to blame for. I should not have yelled and cursed at her but my anger took control when she told me I was to talk to her about my kids and not their father. Adults make mistakes too. I can't help how my children feel about going to their Dad's house. I tell them to make the best of the time they have with me and the time they have with him. When your children hear their Dad call you a b***h it changes how they feel about being with him. What am I to do? Force them to love and respect him? If I am mad at my ex I tell my son NOT to hand me the phone when he calls because I well say something I will regret. I don't go into details about why I am upset I just tell him to tell Daddy to call me the next day we can talk when they aren't around. I try to stop the kids from hearing us fight as much as possible. In the end my kids have to make up their own minds on how they feel. I am working on my relationship with my kids...he can work on his, its not my responsibility anymore. Just like my Mom couldn't have made me have a good relationship with my Dad ( which I do) I can't make them have a good relationship with their Dad.
hi, don't get me wrong the impression I got from you was that you are a strong woman, and you defend your kids til death. Nor am I saying that you are careless with your kids on the contrary. Everything you stated happen to me. We would yell at each other like crazy and in front of my son. When his dad and I would go at it., I regret it. I would just take care of my son the best I can. He is my life. what you said at the end is so true. I just worried about my relationship with my son, his dad and his dad's family just have to work on their own. I guess what I meant to say is that whatever you do always try to make yourself look good. I know is hard avoiding confrontations but my son would never live his dad. And his dad tried to brain wash him. You have an advantage none of your kids go against you my son would be against me and defend his dad. But he saw that I never put him against his dad and always said to me he is going to live with his dad and now at 16 he will never leave me to go with his dad. this topic is very very lengthy your story and mines. We can go on and on. lol I know that it has made me a very strong person and next guy that came around had to meet very high standards. My husband is in the DOG HOUSE!! lol.when your divorce once you don't think about it twice. Until your really in love then you give a few chances. I really hope your situation gets less stressful. I learned to completely ignore him I mean completely because he will use the kids as an exuse to talk to you when it really isn't as important as he says it is. anyways, I hope your life gets better and you and your kids along with your boyfriend are all peacefully happy. Merry Christmas and that this New Year brings you and your kids peace, love and many blessings.
Thanks I'm sorry maybe I took it wrong. I feel like I am always having to defend myself when it comes to what kid of a mother I am. I love my kids, with out them in my life I don't know what I would do. Seriously I would be lost. Every decision I make I think of them first. They are why I wake up every morning..this week I could have stayed in bed and not come out. Its been one blow after another. Just got the mail and the hearing officer for our tax hearing made me out to look like an idiot. Gave my ex the rights to claim the kids from here on out. Why? I just don't get it. I work, I file taxes. Says something along the lines of "Mother doesn't realize how her claiming the children may lessen her monthly support and harm the children in the long run" LIKE HIS CHILD SUPPORT IS WORTH S**T! I can't even pay the rent with what he gives me. and now he get the tax credit at the end of the year to? Just feel like every turn I make I get screwed. FInding it hard to find that strong woman inside right now.
Lisa, you're still getting up every morning (whether you want to or not) and putting one foot in front of the other. You may not FEEL strong, but that proves you ARE strong.
My head felt like it had fallen into a vat of concrete yesterday. I think everything that has happened this past year just hit me. I never expected my ex to drop to this level. Why I didn't I don't know, guess you don't want to think someone you once were able to love could be so heartless and cruel. Made me question myself for ever loving him. I have my own pity party every once in a while. It helps me see what I do have. I have my kids, he can't take that no matter how hard he tries. I am a good Mom and no one can prove otherwise. My life revolves around my kids, he fits them in if he wants from time to time. My kids love me, I think they are questioning their love for him as well
Thank you all for your uplifting responses. I think I can see the light at the end again.
sorry I have a full house with family during the holidays. I have been wanting to check this forum but haven't had a chance, been wondering how you are. I can't understand why he would get to file your kids at the end of the year. I have custody and I file. If This was discussed already sorry didn't read the other reply s. I think if you have joint custody maybe I guess, not really sure. I don't the system sucks!! that's for sure. When I was seperated with my ex husband I had a few encounter where their was no justice. I felt just like you. Hope all is well
He makes more than me so the judge gave him the tax credit? I don't understand it just because more can be made by him claiming I could still use the lesser amount and really why should he get it? I refuse to sign the paper. IRS told me that I don't have to. I had already talked to them before the hearing I explained everything told them that my ex makes more than me. The IRS lady told me that courts think they have the upper hand but if he and I were to both file, no money would be given out until they ( IRS) determine who has the "right" to claim them. Since the kids live with me, I pay for half of their living I get to claim them legally, AS long as I DON"T sign any papers.