I just wish I had known when my stbx left that it was for another woman. I tried so hard to make him stay. To make him come back. I feel you are doing the right thing. If you know what he is doing and he is lying, what kind of a man is he and what would you want him for? It is a horrible thing to go through, and I am only 4 months into it. But you deserve better than that. It would be one thing if he would admit to doing wrong and be willing to go to counseling to save the marriage. And more importantly, stop seeing her. But if he thinks he needs you both, what other option do you have.

Please do not confront the OW! He made a commitment to you, she didn't. I just ended a 30 yr marriage. He was doing things that I would never do. It took 2 times for me to leave and know it was over. When your time comes, you will know.

Good luck to you!

I think most of us can. I think its the best thing to do, you kicking him out. You dont need him in your face constantly reminding you of the pain he has caused you. My stbx is a chronic liar. Always have been. I really need this over. Not knowing what is going to happen is eating me. And I totally understand the rest too. No job, no insurance, soon no house. Its very scary. I think you are doing the right thing. Definately get him out.Hugs

Im new at chatting and think i lost my first reply. But thank you for responding. This is like a knife straight through my heart time and time again. The unanswered calls. The cold respond. He knew I was dedicated to my family, home and job and he played on it time and time again. Even with proof of his cheating he laughs at me. I rationalized this relationship to the point that i am not financailly prepared. What a fool I've been. But i must step out on faith. Beyond my attorneys outlining my legal aspects of this i desperately need to reach out. I know every situation is not the same. But if there is anyone out thtre with a similar situation, please respond. How do I approach a man like this. How do I keep my family and home intact until its over. Any advice will be appreciated. Fear has me paralyzed. I know there is a way to move forward, I just can"t figure it out without being horrified.

Quiet, I am in the same boat. Been a housewife for 27 yrs & lived for my family only. I feel everyday I failed my kids future also even though him having an affair is not my fault. I would have forgiven him for the affair to keep my family together for life but he does not want me any longer. I am totally lost. No home, job, money or no where to go from here. I am totally scared but will put my faith in God and hope for the best. I keep telling myself a lot of people out there are doing so can I. It does get easier over time but I do still have nervous break downs, had one today. I just want to call him so bad & beg not to come back but to tell me he misses me too. It kills me not begging able to talk with him but my bitterness makes it hard for us to commuicate. The bs only is going after his money, she no more loves him, has already destroyed 4 marriages for money but guess is to good in bed for him to notice. He told me he felt sorry for her but not his kids or me. Hope all works well for you but I feel staying with these men can only hurt the kids more & tells them not to stand up for themselves, if we don't.

Thank you. Thank all of you. I have always been considered a very strong woman, but this brought me to my knees. I decided to stay on them and pray for more strength and wisdom for what I'm about to do. Tommorrow I look for a lawyer and keep job searching. I will find the strength. It will be it will be hard, but I must. I feel better just thinking of one day being free of the lies and deception. I'm so sorry that you ladies have to go through this also, but I'm grateful that you all are out there to talk to me, a reminder that I must not change my mine. It is imperative to my mental and physical health that I proceed with this divorce.

I had a female family/divorce lawyer. Many told me they are good. You would get child support and if you go through with the divorce in some cases they can take it out of his paycheck electronically if he's uncooperative. Many get spousal support until they get back on their feet financially. I get spousal support. Since it's a long marriage and you gave up your job to be a wife and mother, then you will receive some type of compensation from him. Mine paid the bills until the spousal support was settled. I went to the local Food Pantry for a while - whatever you have to do to get by for a while, babysit, etc. It is stressful, but that is what Lawyers are for. Get a free one if no family members can help pay for one.

Quiet,

I am so sorry you are going through this terrible time. I can relate to the pain you are going through. We put our faith, our trust, our loyalty in our men but they don't. Hang in there. As terrible as it is right now, it will eventually get better. I couldn't function at first either because of the pain but I can now. My advice is to get a lawyer one way or another. Make him pay child support and the bills while you get on your feet. Its a very difficult thing to but it is in your best interest.

I don't think we are ever totally prepare for divorce. I can only tell you things get really hard and then you get use to what ever comes along. The hit of divorce throws us off, but we get stronger with every hit. I can relative to the no job, no money. The flea(ex) still pays my bills and buys my son everything he needs. He does get nasty every now and then but he still comes through with the money part. I wish you all the luck in the world and pray, I was not one to pray but now I see how much it really helps. Take care and stay strong.

Yes, I do know the blows are going to be hard when I file the legal separating papers. But I'm still going through with it. Enough is enough. I told him to get in all the blows he can, it is war! I was 36 when I got married and I will take on the challenge of starting from square one. My oldest daughter is a sailor and travels the world. My youngest daughter cries when she gets a
C on her report card and is a competition dancer. She has already told him without me coercing her that she wish he would leave for good. This is because he do not try to be decrete about confronting me about anything. He travels 4 days out of the week and try to come home in a puff to camophlage his dirt. She stops him in his tracks. So I don't have to worry about how he handle my kids. Thanks to me not covering up for him for so many years, they see him for what he is. They will be great. I have encourgaged them from birth to be respectful,loving, fair, and ambitious and above all learn how to forgive those that trepass against them. My Husband had capitalized on our loeve and devotion long enough. I now see him as a creep. I cooked, got the kids to school and activities, worked, encouraged them, supported them. He only bought them clothes, shoes, gifts, and paid the mortgage. No moral support whatsoever. I can see that now. It left him so much time to live 2 lives. The pretend familiy man and the prowling street dog with a woman in every city he worked in. My eyes are wide open now. No smoke covered glasses. I allowed it, thinking he was out working for us. After reviewing our debts, he was just out for himself. We were incidently. But that's ok. What goes around comes around. He lost his business, his truck, IRS took his bank account, his second truck just broke down. And he is about to lose so much more. I'm losing a lot too, but only material things and a dead marriage. my thng is if he won't move after the separation is filed. Will I be about to force him out with the evidences that I have. Or can we both live under the same roof under legalIseparation. If I leave it is abandonment. I'll just have to cross that bridge when I get to it.