It's been 6 mos since I discovered the text msgs, confronted him and he moved out less than 2 wks later and with her. We've barely talked during this time because I would get too upset and felt as if he was always taking advantage of me, getting his way. This weekend he texted me saying he was going to take my youngest (17 yrs) next weekend in addition to the current weekend. We've been switching every other weekend with no problem. So I texted back saying this and for him to stop causing problems and to think of other people's feelings. So he called me and I answered. We went back and forth antagonizing each other for about 30 mins when I finally broke down and asked why he had done it and what happened to him. How could he have hurt me that way when I never would have cheated on him after being together for 23 yrs?
He started crying too. He's never cried in front of me. He did look like he was going to cry the morning I found the text messages and told me my life wouldn't change if he was gone. He told me this weekend that he felt hated, unwanted and a failure and just wanted to get out and go off by himself but since the guy he was going to move in with wanted to move further south and this woman he had been texting with was leaving her husband they decided to move in together. He said he was sorry and hadn't meant to hurt me or the girls. He made it sound like it had snowballed out of control. He admitted to making a mistake. I told him I hadn't hated him and that I still loved him and didn't want him to be unhappy. He said he's still moving to Fla (we couldn't agree on this during our marriage) and if she wants to go she can but he's going no matter what. We cried on the phone with each other for 30 mins until he had to go to work. Then the next day I was having an issue with my daughter and i thought he was enabling her, so I texted telling him what the counselor had told me about how to deal with her and he called. We calmly talked about our daughters and the fact that they were falling thru the cracks and we needed to talk and we actually agreed on how to handle them and he agreed to go to counseling with them. We were always on the same page about the kids. This just made me miss him and I've cried all day. I could barely make it to work and thru the day. I'm feeling better now but I just read the birthday card my daughter got from her father today. It was signed Love, Daddy & skank's Name in her signature, not his. I hate him again.
Susan I am so sorry you are going through this. It seems that things did snowball for him where he ended up with the OW. How insensitive of him to give your daughter a card with her name on it! It almost sounded like the two of you could work it out, but that sets things back a long way.
It seems he really doesn't care about the OW if he plans to move to Florida with or without her, but still, he would move with her if she decided to go.
All of us have been through the tears, and the regrets, and the false hopes. It's all so sad. In my case, if it werent for the OW, we probably would still be together.
Susan, it is sad how they do feel guilty and lost as well, but they are to selfish to stop. They are determined to do what they are going to do no matter what happens and who they have to hurt. I know it hurts even more to be on good terms with them at times because it makes you think of all the "What Ifs" again. This is where one has to balance their emotions and use their head rather than their heart to get through it all. I know... I was where you are at one time as well.
How hard for you. I am sorry. It does make it hard when they are nice. I have run into the same thing with my stbx. I haven't talked to him in nearly 2 weeks and it's the best I have done since this all happened. I am lucky, my girls are grown and I have no need to talk to him. My lawyer is talking to his lawyer and that's good with me.
He is filled with guilt it sounds like, but still with her. These guys are so selfish. I hope you get feeling better. I found getting mad at him worked best for me. With the signature on the birthday card, you should be able to work some anger up. Sounds wrong, I know, but it helps to deal sometimes.
I am so sorry; I started to cry as I read your post because I discovered my husband’s cheating through his phone. It has been 3 months since everything happened and I am still in shock because my husband seemed to love me, maybe not the way all women wish husbands would love but I at least thought he loved me and my daughter enough not to ever cheat on me but I was wrong. It is sad when something you are so used to ends so suddenly but this is life and it is unfair. Women always go through more pain than the men because men do not think about something for too long, out of site out of mind in their brains. I wish God would have made us the same way so that we could move on with our lives faster but it never happens that way. All I can say, is that you are not alone I am going through the same pain...I used to cry everyday but now I am a little better. I haven't started the divorce proceedings yet because I have heard how bad it can get so I am waiting for the right time but we are separated and will never be together again and I just have to go on with my life but it’s harder when kids are involved...
If your ex goes to counseling with the children maybe it will enlighten him a bit about the damage he has done to his family. Would he consider going for himself? Have you considered trying to go back with him? He may not think that is an option for you and maybe it isn't. You are so right if we just didn't have to see them it would be easier. It is so strange but I feel much more attracted to my husband now than before I filed for the divorce. We haven't had sex in years and for some reason I feel like I would like to. I guess I'm really losing it. As far as I know neither one of us have been unfaithful in this marriage. It was money, control and disrespect that I couldn't live with anymore. I guess he will become someone elses problem in the future.
One thing I have noticed..men are very good at being kind just so they can hurt you again. I personally feel like one of those balls on a paddle. One moment you are free and flying and the next getting swatted like a bug. Hang in there Susan. We are all here for you.