Susan, it is sad how they do feel guilty and lost as well, but they are to selfish to stop. They are determined to do what they are going to do no matter what happens and who they have to hurt. I know it hurts even more to be on good terms with them at times because it makes you think of all the "What Ifs" again. This is where one has to balance their emotions and use their head rather than their heart to get through it all. I know... I was where you are at one time as well.

Another Susan who understands

How hard for you. I am sorry. It does make it hard when they are nice. I have run into the same thing with my stbx. I haven't talked to him in nearly 2 weeks and it's the best I have done since this all happened. I am lucky, my girls are grown and I have no need to talk to him. My lawyer is talking to his lawyer and that's good with me.

He is filled with guilt it sounds like, but still with her. These guys are so selfish. I hope you get feeling better. I found getting mad at him worked best for me. With the signature on the birthday card, you should be able to work some anger up. Sounds wrong, I know, but it helps to deal sometimes.

I am so sorry; I started to cry as I read your post because I discovered my husband’s cheating through his phone. It has been 3 months since everything happened and I am still in shock because my husband seemed to love me, maybe not the way all women wish husbands would love but I at least thought he loved me and my daughter enough not to ever cheat on me but I was wrong. It is sad when something you are so used to ends so suddenly but this is life and it is unfair. Women always go through more pain than the men because men do not think about something for too long, out of site out of mind in their brains. I wish God would have made us the same way so that we could move on with our lives faster but it never happens that way. All I can say, is that you are not alone I am going through the same pain...I used to cry everyday but now I am a little better. I haven't started the divorce proceedings yet because I have heard how bad it can get so I am waiting for the right time but we are separated and will never be together again and I just have to go on with my life but it’s harder when kids are involved...

If your ex goes to counseling with the children maybe it will enlighten him a bit about the damage he has done to his family. Would he consider going for himself? Have you considered trying to go back with him? He may not think that is an option for you and maybe it isn't. You are so right if we just didn't have to see them it would be easier. It is so strange but I feel much more attracted to my husband now than before I filed for the divorce. We haven't had sex in years and for some reason I feel like I would like to. I guess I'm really losing it. As far as I know neither one of us have been unfaithful in this marriage. It was money, control and disrespect that I couldn't live with anymore. I guess he will become someone elses problem in the future.

One thing I have noticed..men are very good at being kind just so they can hurt you again. I personally feel like one of those balls on a paddle. One moment you are free and flying and the next getting swatted like a bug. Hang in there Susan. We are all here for you.