Lisa - Beautiful!!!

Kathleen - I know it's a long shot, but has your husband been evaluated for early-onset Alzheimers? I ask simply because some of the behavior he's showing reminds me of the way my grandmother acted right before her diagnosis. She was 75 - no idea how old your husband is, but it can come on as early as 55-60 years old. Just a thought; it'd certainly explain the sudden hostility, as well as him thinking you're crazy; and if he wasn't one for the bad language before and is now, well, that's a possible sign, too. I wish you well - you've been a font of hope for all of us on this board!!

Thank you all so much for your kindness and the offer to come stay with you. It has really touched my heart! I will not leave MY home! He is going to be the one to leave eventually. Like a fool I tried to leave him another note this morning and he tore it up in little pieces and through it all over the floor. I guess that is just a little hint with a sludge hammer. Yes I agree "Off with his Head" It is that letting go that is just so hard. I am all over the map on this. Why do we want someone who has disrespected us so? I really don't like him as a person when I get right down to it. He was always grumpy especially to the grandkids. He never complimented me or gave me nice little things to show he loved me. I got flowers three times in 37 years. His gifts to me where always nominal at best. His treatment has so eroded my self esteem I feel no one else would want me. I hope I'm wrong. I seem to be on one constant pity party lately. I need to stop it!!!!!!!

Actually, Alice did NOT have it better (LOL)...My name IS Alice (altho I go by Alicia, like it better).

I have an Alice N Wonderland costume, complete with a stuffed cheshire cat.

I was married to an abuser, narcissist, for 31 years. he was also.....someone who had no soul.

You (we) are living in 2 different realities....1 is personal power (which we have) and the other one is called "power over" which the abusers have. Doesn't matter what you do or say, you will never be on the same page.

"Things just keep getting curiouser and curioser....I say that a lot!

What worked for me? I STOPPED talking about anything sensitive or controversial....once you know their "secret"....that they do not care what you think feel or say, that is the beginning of "getting it' and protecting yourself.

Dear Alice, LOL! Why do we stay for years and years with these men. My husband was not physically abusive but could cut your heart right out of you. Everytime I stood up to him he was going to leave me or whatever. Why in the world do we allow someone to treat us that way? I should have gotten out years ago when I was still young and beautiful. Now I'm 62 not bad for my age but still 62. I really don't want to be alone!!!!! It is so tragic that we would want to hold on to someone who is so bad to us rather than be alone. I wish I could go to sleep and wake up when this was all over with. I just want to be happy again.

We stay because we made a lifetime commitment, because they have put us down so long we actually begin to believe it's us and not them, and because we don't want to rip our families apart. It might defy logic, but when we are in the middle of it we keep thinking if we just do this or that it will be OK. The longer we are gone, the more we see them for how they really are.

Hey, sweet Kathleen: i am going to be 65 in 6 months......we stay for many reasons......if we were abused as children, it is what we are familiar with....yes, my fear of being alone kept me in abuse for 31 years (36 in all), but the point is...I did get out. It took a book to explain what was happening to me: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans....she saved my life and sanity.

I am not techie....would you e-mail me? wacalice@aol.com....put divorce....in the subject line so I won't delete it.

I just attended my son's wedding this weekend and was dreading it for 6 months, because I would have to see the x and his girlfriend......verrry obese and unattractive.......

For me, being alone is right next to death, but I keep on going; won a scholarship, because of what I wrote about my life and am a freshman! Written a book: Sanctuary of the Soul: www.soulpoetry.org

Moderator of an abused survivors' group.....and so much more, the the lonliness.....I know.

Maybe we could talk on the phone.....if you e-mail me....chat there, too, if you would like.

We are......sisters.

I wish I could take your pain away Kathleen and get you away from him. I think that was the biggest problem in my marriage, besides the lack of communication, is that he is totally obsessed with money. And just like you said, it was never "our" money but "his". He never thought of us as a "we" but only a "him". We deserve better Kathleen. Hang tough and just try to stay away from him. If he is upset about the divorce, he sure has a crappy way of showing it. You dont need that hurt of being treated like crap on top of everything else. Hope you have a better day tomorrow. Hugs.

I thought I was the only that was told it was "his money". Wow this men just meet and form a club. They don't know the meaning of being men. I sure hope we all have a better future without them.

Kathleen, I am so sorry that your H treats you this way because you do not deserve it! You have been amazingly supportive to everyone on this forum and it is obvious that you are a wonderful, faithful and loyal person to those you care about! It is your H's loss that he does not appreciate you!

I think that most of us on this forum have been way too nice and it's time to get tough. Not mean, but tough. These guys don't respect us and we have to show them that they better respect us or else! I realize now that I should have kicked my H out months ago or at least in February after he told me about the OW and before he took 2/3 of our tax return to go and see her. I am so mad at myself for being so weak and so nice! Well no more! I am still hurting but I will NOT show him my weakness and pain ever again!

Sending Big Hugs your way!