Boy I hate when I have typed up a good reply and then hit the wrong button and it dissappears!

You just remember that you are strong and did nothing wrong. You have done nothing but try and keep him happy and do everything you can to keep him. He is the one messing up and he will realized that one day.

He and my ex both have done so many of the exact same things, said the same things. I have talked to more women in our shoes and it is like these guys read the same book and that is where all the garbage out of their mouths comes from. But now 8 months after my divorce I have been able to have some pretty ok conversations with my ex. Today we talked for a few minutes. He was nice but did tell me she was picking him up at the airport so would not talk to me until next week when he is traveling. He actually sounded like he was appologizing when he told me that.

He seems to be having more feeling in his voicee when we talked and he seems genuinly concerned about me. I dont' know what that means or what that will change but as long as we can talk and get along and I can be just the nicest person on the phone I have hope that he will keep thinking about that and me and who knows. I think you have done the right things all along and he will remember that. It may take awhile and it will be hard and painful but hang in there and if it is meant to be it will be. You just keep hanging in there. I don't know how this will come out for either of us but I have to hold out hope that things will turn out ok in the end. I just hope we don't have to wait too long to find that out.
Take care and I will keep you in my prayers.
Bridget

Thanks Bridget. I saw your post below and am so sorry I wasn't able to answer it at the time. I was having on of those days which is probably what led me to post the message that got me in trouble with him. I don't know if it's normal or not but honestly, when I'm having a down day it's just plain hard to even think straight. I force myself to keep busy and like you said that does help. But eventually the busy has to stop and then we have to face our problems. I know I will be okay. I know we all will be eventually. I just wish it wasn't so hard. I am having a hard time with the simple rejection, I keep wondering why he finds her better than me. I find myself wondering if my life has all been a lie. He can't tell me when he fell out of love with me, he has gone so far as to say that he never did fall out of love with me, and often his actions prove that to be true. But I guess he loves her "more". It just stings so much that he shut me out before I even knew, I had no chance. Like all of us in long term marriages you would think we'd at least earned a chance to work things out. He has said all along that he "needs to have some freedom, that he will return to me if it doesn't work out with her". At the beginning those words sent such hope through my heart. I am so sad to say that I no longer even know if I would be able to take him back. And that's the worst part of all, I do not WANT to stop loving him. When I promised to love him forever, I meant it with all my heart.
I will pray for you to Bridget. My oldest daughter says that things will work out as they're supposed to. I wish I could have her faith in that. I wish I could know the future and see that I will not be lonely forever, that I will somehow manage financially, that he and I will somehow find a way to be close friends. Pray for me to please. We have so much in common. You and I and all the women here will somehow get through this.

I think we need to all go on a cruise. You know they have singles cruises, gay cruises, cruises for almost any group you can think of so I think they need to have divorced women cruises. No men at all. We can talk, play, have as much fun s we want. Have some seninars on what we are going through. Go see some fun things. Have some counselors on board, get messages andhave our nails done. Just get away from all this pain for one week and be with people that understand and don't judge. Wouldn't that be wonderful. I will see if I can win the lottery and then we can go.

As you know I feel every bit of your pain. When he left after we had been together for the months just before the divorce was final I thought it would rip my heart right out of my chest. I guess we have to go through the seperation and loneliness and pain by ourselves and try an figure some things out. These guys have to get away from the situation for awhile before they realize how much pain they have caused and what they are missing. I will keep praying for you and myself that we get through this time and things get better for us soon. I am sorry if this is all jumbled up. I don't have my glasses on and I honestly can't see some of the letters very clear so i can't tell if I am spelling anything even close to right. I will read what I wrote in the morning and see how I did. Take care and try and take things easy. You will get through this I promis.

Ok we must be long lost sisters or something - I can't usually see the computer screen either. I recently started wearing contacts, (part of my improve myself tactic). I'm ok with them mostly, but at night when I take them out my glasses don't seem right anyore so I'm constantly puttng them on and taking them off and squinting at the computer!!
I love the cruise idea!!! First one for women, then after we all feel a bit better we could do a singles cruise!!! Unless of course our rotten husbands come back to us and we actually decide to take them back. Then we could go on a regular cruise. Wouldn't it be great to get to know everyone here in person! Wow, the discussions we would have would be amazing.
You take care too, if we all hang together we'll muddle through this somehow.

Do you really think the guys realize the pain they have caused eventually? Mine makes me so angry. He looks at me like I belong in the looney bin when I'm upset or having a bad day. He keeps telling me I've had plenty of time to get over this. In fact, believe it or not, those words first crossed his lips only a month after I found out. What an idiot! Of course, then I wonder if how he was able to get over me so fast and that feeds into my "maybe my whole life was a lie" thoughts. It's sort of a circle that goes round and round. So for tonight at least, I'm going to get off the merry-go-round and think about that cruise!! Just the idea makes me smile!
Thanks again! I do not feel so Alone.
Cindy

Cindy
Can't sleep tonight for some reason. I think it would be wonderful to meet and talk in person with this whole group too.
I know that when I was talking to my ex last week and I was so emotional I was telling him how he was always my best friend and I miss my best friend that he broke down and started crying. I have been having some health issues and I told him about them, he cried and said this is all my fault. I have caused you to have so much stress and pain. He cried some more. He keeps saying he has no idea how it feels to be on the other end of what he has done but he c an only imagine how bad it is. He use to tell me to get over it and just move on in the beginning. He use to say that I was just making a big deal out of it and I could just get over it if I wanted. That has totaly changed and he is more emotional over what he has done to me now. Not that he feels bad enough to leave her the way he left me but I think he gets it a little more now. HE also use to say that he just did this to me, no one else and it would only effect me. After our youngest son stopped talking to him and our other son sent him an email telling him how hard it was to tell our grandkids that Grandpa didn't live here anymore and how they were so sad, then he started understanding how far reaching this all is.
So somewhere deep down in their rotten herts there may still be a small, very small glimmer of feelings.

I could only go on a singles cruise with someone like the women on here. We would all be in the same boat...so to speak..and know how scarry it is to even think about another man in our lives. We would just be big flirts and have fun an take care of eachother. I do think the cruise we need to g on could be called -divorced or soon to be divorces wonderful women and counselors cruise. or The strongest women in the world cruise!! It is fun to think about.
I have 4 bedrooms here on the farm, maybe we could just have a retreat to the farm weekend!! Play with the horses, goats and dogs weekend. Who knows what might make us feel so much better.
Well I hope to really go to sleep this time. I have to be up at 7 for work.
Take care.

Of course they realize how much pain they cause us. They just don't care about our feelings. Just because its us, not them who goes through all this pain, we have no right to be angry or upset, or tell them how we really feel about them.

I've been through the same, when we were still living together. I, like you, used to get little pity hugs or kisses, or sometimes we would even have sex. And when I eventually moved out and he all over sudden stopped all that, I was devastated. The emotional breakdown I went through (with screaming, crying days and days, cutting my wrists and arms, just to compensate emotional pain by physical, i drank and smoked drugs, just to forget all)I would only wish the same experience on the snake and his menopausal wh@re.

Now nearly five months on a line.... I still love him, but I learned to live without him. And believe me, it is so liberating. Yes I still cry. But now I realize I don't cry for him, I cry for the dream he broke. I cry for the daughter he never gave me. I cry for that happy family we could have been. But I don't really want him, the way he is now.

And you will get used to the idea of living on your own. Trust me, it is better if he leaves as soon as possible. You don't really want to see him with his girlfriend. And let him be angry with you! Do not let him blackmail you with the car business. Show him that you are strong and do not depend on him.

Jerk's excuse for everything he has done...it was never meant to be. It was never good. We should have never been together. Hmmm...he courted me, he pursued me, he proposed to ME. Really? Just not willing to accept responsibility for his own actions-as usual.

Cruise idea-LOVE IT!

Just gotta say.....sign me up for the cruise!!

Alone, Sorry if I'm overly vindictive, but since you got in trouble for a friendly message she could see, I'm all for the next time a not-so-friendly message. Let her know he was a married man with a family and she busted it up. At least then he'd have a reason to be angry. And you might feel better. And she might see what a sl_t she is.

As for the cruise, count me in!