Wow, good question. I would not have married him. When first dating, and I had my first warning sign and gut feeling he was not truthful and cheated!!! I would have not allowed him to change my mind, and tell me how wrong I was. I would not have changed jobs and towns to be with him.
I would have dated and married someone else. This divorce has been a hard experience. I am holding the final papers and just exhausted. I loved him and we had awesome times. A real connection. But, as stated in the prior post. Actions speak louder than words. He never tried to make anything better ever. Just dragged this thing out. Three years and now at the final stage.
One thing maybe I would have done differently is not gotten angry and ran so fast, but planned more and that would have been better. But I packed and left in a state of extreme hurt. Rationality and foresight went out the window and I ran. We are emotional creatures. I would have planned things better. I wonder how did I ever get involved with such a liar and self-centered man.

Thanks Ladies. I've been asking myself this question over and over again and I was suprised at the answer I have come up with, so just wanted to know what other ladies were thinking.

The thing is, I would change absolutely nothing as far as marrying him is concerned. If someone had told me that this is how it would end for us, I wouldn't have believed them and I think I would have spent my whole life regretting not marrying him. The truth is that Ive learnt so much from this experience and it definately has changed me as a person. There was a time before our wedding when something had happened and he wanted to call of our wedding a week before we were to get married, I thought as long as we were together we could fight anything that came our way. We went ahead with the wedding anyway, but during that week I saw a side of him that scared me, I didnt understand it at the time and didnt trust myself enough then. I saw that same side of him again now during this divorce, not a very pleasant side to him, I should say.

As Maya Angelou says "The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them"

But what would I change about myself, well theres alot. For starters to trust my instinct, go with my gut feeling. I should question things more when I was in doubt and not believe everything I was told. To stand firm by what I believe in. That my values, beliefs and family are not to be compromised. That you can only give so much of yourself. When someone never talks to you about his family unless you ask and that too you just get a short answer, know that he is hiding something.

That when a 32 year old man goes to the bathroom on the night of your anniversary weekend away to speak to his mother, then you know you have a problem

Wow. That is a powerful question.

I would have still married that man. I loved him with all my heart. I had 23 really good years. 2 of them were lies, but I didn't know that. I refuse to let him take away the good like he did my trust. I think one of the hardest things has been to not get trapped into thinking that it all was a mistake ... it wasn't. I had a really good life. My fairytale ended badly but it was good story until the end.

I am not sure that I would change me either. I have hard edges and am a workaholic. I can be selfish. Yea, bad qualities. But I also have lots of good ones. Maybe the bad ones explain why he cheated ... why he didn't love me enough to stand by our vows; but you know what, I am a package deal. The good came with the bad, and regret is a truly useless emotion.

Thank you for asking the question. It made me reflect. The "now" is not so terrific but I wouldn't change how I got here.

We all are looking for answers but sometimes we need to ask ourselves the hard questions. We need to face it head on in order to find the answers we seek and hope and pray that the truth will be revealed to us.

This was one of the questions that baffled me the most and when I could finally answer it, I found a sense of relief.

Im still working on what I could have done differently in order to change the way I would do things now. We certainly cannot change the past but can change ourselves for the future and that is the only thing we have control off. We all work in progress!!

I think one thing I would have done differently was gotten help for my depression. It scared WK, believe it or not, so he had to shout it down and call it "attention-seeking" and told me that I'd have to "get over it". Other than that, I'd've called him out on the first girl I caught him getting into inappropriate conversations with online. If he didn't knock it off then, that would have been goodbye. I was making more money than him and could have easily afforded to live on my own.

If I knew then what I know now I would still be married! I let a whole lot of bitterness and resentment ruin my marriage.

This is what I think I always knew, but didn't want to admit...I knew my husband was the weak link in our relationship. I knew his anger and his lack of thought pertaining to how his actions could hurt me or our family could wreck our family. I think that is why I put up with so much. My family meant everything to me and he knew it. That was my weakness...or my strength...I gave him more credit than he deserved. He was flawed and I knew it. I thought love would be strong enough to overcome his potential to ruin everything. His lack of morals and principles. His desire to do what he wants no matter what collateral damage it caused. I thought love would be enough...it wasn't. I honestly still can't believe he's done this...even knowing what I know. I have to get over feeling this way to move forward, but the head and the heart are still not connecting.