We all are looking for answers but sometimes we need to ask ourselves the hard questions. We need to face it head on in order to find the answers we seek and hope and pray that the truth will be revealed to us.
This was one of the questions that baffled me the most and when I could finally answer it, I found a sense of relief.
Im still working on what I could have done differently in order to change the way I would do things now. We certainly cannot change the past but can change ourselves for the future and that is the only thing we have control off. We all work in progress!!
I think one thing I would have done differently was gotten help for my depression. It scared WK, believe it or not, so he had to shout it down and call it "attention-seeking" and told me that I'd have to "get over it". Other than that, I'd've called him out on the first girl I caught him getting into inappropriate conversations with online. If he didn't knock it off then, that would have been goodbye. I was making more money than him and could have easily afforded to live on my own.
This is what I think I always knew, but didn't want to admit...I knew my husband was the weak link in our relationship. I knew his anger and his lack of thought pertaining to how his actions could hurt me or our family could wreck our family. I think that is why I put up with so much. My family meant everything to me and he knew it. That was my weakness...or my strength...I gave him more credit than he deserved. He was flawed and I knew it. I thought love would be strong enough to overcome his potential to ruin everything. His lack of morals and principles. His desire to do what he wants no matter what collateral damage it caused. I thought love would be enough...it wasn't. I honestly still can't believe he's done this...even knowing what I know. I have to get over feeling this way to move forward, but the head and the heart are still not connecting.