I dont know why but Im feeling really depressed today. Im usually always looking for all the positives in a day, but today isnt one of them. I dont know what to do, I feel like going under the covers and to just cry. Its not the divorce thats making me feel this way, I think its all thats happening due to it

Things have been a bit difficult. I am in desperate need of finding a new job as the company that Im employed in is reducing on staff. Financially, things have been hard, especially being on my own, so I need a stable financial income and finding a job isnt as easy as I thought.

I feel like life is passing me by, I cannot afford to go out with friends like I used to, since I have bills to pay, I feel so withdrawn from the world. Its not a nice feeling knowing that you cant go anywhere because you broke, considering before all this happened I had an amazing social life. I just feel so alone here on my own, broke, with family far away and especially now that the holidays are around the corner. I cant even afford to go back home to see them.

Ok, i just needed to rant. Sorry for the depressing message

Lindi: Getting divorced is a big adjustment financially and emotionally. I got to a low cost health club and went there also to pass time while waiting for my court date. To save money, try the following: Food Pantry and Thrift Shops. Take care. Warmer weather with sun in moderation coming will help, unless you are somewhere where summer is not coming!

Not a depressing message. And I am glad you can rant. Some days are like that. I had a similar day yesterday. Had been doing fine, and then I was searching for an email at work and ran across one to my ex. It was a year into his affair (but of course I didn't know that), and I wrote to him from a meeting telling him how fortunate we are in our lives. how grateful I am to have him as my husband and best frined. how much I love him. A random email from a year ago ... I was writing to him for no other reason than to tell him that I adore him and love our lives. I didn't remember writing it, and reading it was like somebody kicked me. You know how it goes after that: curled up and crying once again.

So what helped me is what always helps me: movement. I put on my **** tennis shoes and went on what I call one of my death marches. Just start walking with no destination. I was in a strange city, and it was foggy and nasty. I put one foot in front of the other and kept going until I could have some calm thoughts. And I thought about all the good things in my life. I am grateful every day that I am healthy. I have a loving family that supports me. Yea, there are some really crappy things: I used to let my ex know when I was taking off or landing. Where I was in the world. What I was doing. Now no one really expects to hear from me. If I went missing, it could be days or weeks before anyone actually figured out I was missing. How is that for a sucky thought. Then I opened my plams, took a deep breath and let go of the thought. It is what it is. And my emotion around it is what makes it bad. I put one foot in front of the other until I felt better.

Invite a friend over for coffee (cheap social life!). Put on lipstick (cheap therapy). Do something nice for yourself (because you deserve it). Stressing about the job isn't going to help. One foot in front of the other until it gets better ...

xo
Ellie

Dear Lindi,

I hope what Ellie said helps you. You have had a lot happen and some days are worse than others. With all that's hanging over you it's utterly understandable that you need to be able to express yourself and here is a good place to do that.

Friends! Sigh. Some with disappear. Some with stick with you. You can certainly find things to do together that don't cost much, it can be a change from what was your usual but it's do-able.

Hug, hug, hug. those hard days suck.

hug for Ellie too after her email find. ugh.

Thank you Blueski. Amazing that even a virtual hug can make you feel better.

Thank you all for the kind words and encouragement. I was really in a dark place but glad to be out of it now.

Ellie, sorry you had to find that email, it brings about so many emotions, the ones that you thought you got over however it is also perhaps a little nudge to remind you about how far you have come and we need to remind ourselves of our progress.

I was really priviledged to go on a resilience training course by my company and I have to say that we all have the power to bounce back, even when we feel like we sinking. That session allowed me to open my eyes to the things I already knew in theory but now how to put it into practice. We are allowed to feel like crying, we allowed to feel sad and lonely, depressed and miserable but its the tools that we need to have to help us spring back up.

Its there within us, just need to keep searching....

Lindi,

So glad you are in a better place today. Yes, the power of resilience!

Among the silver linings: Learning that you are stronger than you thought you were or could be. Learing that you can survive. Learning that you can even survive with some grace and dignity. All good things ... maybe not happiness yet but steps forward.

xo
Ellie