My divorce was final last June 13th. He moved out, got another home, and got a girlfriend within months. I didn't know that until two months ago, when I stopped at a red light in my own neighborhood, just blocks from my house and he was in the lane next to mine with a blonde. I recognized her right away and it was someone, that I saw him with two years ago.
And then ego set in, and I was completely messed up. Now I filed for divorce and it was a miserable marriage. He is a liar, would not provide or support a wife, I took care of myself the whole 13 years of marriage, and the silent treatments and God I could go on and on...I have been happier without him. But then I saw infront of my eyes, him talking, holding hands with another and I don't know what happened. I wanted to call him. I wanted to call this miserable excuse for a human being.
I have to fight myself everyday for two months, not to call. That would be ridiculous. I have to force myself, not to get in the car and drive by her house and she is only 5 minutes away from me. I am so angry and mad that once again, he came out ontop. Has his money, his house, got the same dog as the one we had, even named it the same name, and now he has his regular thing for sex. Nothing ever goes wrong with this man's life. And truly I guess I am bent on only wanting to see him suffer.
So for two months, I have felt like you. Only now a year after the divorce am I crying a bucket of tears. The ego is a terrible thing. And I know that is what it is, yet, the process of pain is the same as if I loved him.
Accepting what is, is very hard. Not reliving the whole marriage is almost impossible but I know I have to try and fight ....to heal. I guess I thought once he was gone, when the divorce was final, when I could fix up the house and make it mine, mine, mine, when I could have friends over, I would enjoy and all would be well. But I don't think I counted on the delayed reaction. And that is what this is.
the one thing I keep saying to myself, is that he has no idea what I am feeling or going through and that makes me feel alittle better.
Don't call is what I tell myself over and over again. Keep your dignity. You did the right thing. You got rid of the cancer. And hopefully someday, this too is going to pass. So many of us out there are going through the same feelings. Does it help to know that there are so many of us women with a broken heart or damaged ego. I think it is just plain sad that men have caused so much damaged. I pray for you, and for the rest that we hold on and Wait one more day....because it's logical that this will get better.