Most of us here have been or are going through this. It is bloody awful and I am sorry that you are going through it.
First step, get yourself a lawyer. First consultation is usually free. Don't settle for the first lawyer you call/go see. Ask about experience. Make sure they are responsible and responsive. Make sure you are comfortable (not emotionally but professionally) with the lawyer. Make sure you understand the fee structure and that the lawyer walks you in detail through the process and timeline. Since you have kids, custody may be an issue although your message said he doesn't love his kids anymore???? (what the hell is wrong with him???).
If you can't afford a lawyer, things get more complicated. You will have to go to legal aide or call the Bar Association for referrals to a lawyer who can represent you pro bono (free). These are not ideal options as you often get what you pay for. If you can afford it, you should pay for a good lawyer ... you don't want to short change yourself in the long run.
Other things to think about:
Getting emotional support ... some people need counseling to get through this. I hope you have a support network.
Close joint accounts and get access to whatever money there is.
If you are not financially independent, you are going to have to start thinking about getting there. Hopefully you are employed and can support yourself and your kids.
We are here to try to answer any questions or to just hear you out. My husband did the same thing to me: An abrupt "I love you but am not in love with you ..." which turned out to be code for "I am cheating on you." It is so devastating. This site really helped me. I got some really good advice from some really decent women, and it made me feel better to just rant and talk about what I was (am) feeling.
Megan,
It is essential that you get a good attorney ASAP. Find one that you have faith in and that has a good reputation. Take their advice, they know what is going on and what is coming next. Take each day one day at a time and handle your emotions as they come. My ex turned out to be a con man and a crimnal and realizing my entire life was a lie was more devastating than even the divorce. I am in sales so I visit clients nearly daily. I would cry in the car at times. I just told my clients I was struggling with allergies. But if you don't deal with the emotions as they come, you will deal with them later. Have faith that Gods plan is bigger than ours and just take care of you and your kids until you can handle more. Let your attorney take care of the legal stuff. Remember, they charge for everything . . . don't use your attorney as an emotional sounding board, call your girlfriends. But do let him take care of the legal stuff. Good luck, it is a very difficult thing but you will come out happier in the end. It is amazing how much we don't realize that we are coping with on a day to day basis until we are out of a difficult situation.
Megan: Some more advice: When you do see the Lawyer, Legal Aid or stop at your nearest courthouse for legal help, see about getting child support and/or emergency spousal support ASAP. If you need child care and your family can't help: Voucher (Government) help to pay for child care, WIC Program and Food Stamps, Food Pantry, Boys and Girls Clubs or America or YMCA for school aged child care. See about job training at the local unemployment office or women's services center. Many women can be trained to shop/clean/do errands for the elderly or can receive medical office training. When you do get money, shop at Thrift Shops. I shop at Dollar Stores also and wholesale food warehouses (I buy certain things in bulk). I also shop at a grocery store which is considered a discount place. I was divorced in 2009. My ex left after many years spending time at Hooters and Strip Clubs, etc. I agree with the other person that he may be cheating.