You're right, it's hard to believe these guys love you. We can't know if they think they mean it or if they're just saying it because they think it will help them more further along in the relationship (read sex).
But you do know that they mean little to nothing to you. Maybe they started out as a way to keep yourself out of the house, to keep you occupied in your free time, to have that little bit of "Well this person finds me attractive, so there!" but what often follows that is "well this person finds me attractive so what's wrong with me that my ex doesn't feel that way?" That's throwing yourself down the stairs thinking. That's let me go to bed and pull the covers over my head thinking. We've all been there. Some of us stay there for a long time.
Was counseling annoying because you were hearing things you didn't like to hear? Because the approach was stupid? Did you expect Dr. Phil with his quotable quotes and folksy talk? Or was it that there was no connection and you did not feel heard? Time to find a different one. Yes, it sucks to go from person to person to look for someone that you can work with but it still might be for you. Or perhaps not.
Widows are told to not make any major life decision for at least a year after their spouse's death. So are divorced people. You popping off to AU does sound like you're running, running, running and trying to get away from the pain you're feeling. You're throwing this move at the pain, hoping it'll help it move on and go away.
And while intellectually you know that feeling pain now is normal, it's easy to say and horrible to live. Thus it's simple to understand the wish to get away.
Moving may make it easier for you on SOME days. Few reminders of your ex in your surroundings, but they will still be in your brain. will moving thousands of miles away from your current physical location actually help? No one can know. But you'll be isolated. Do you any type of good support system where you are now (family, friends)?
Many of the things you said lead me to think you're depressed. And in a pretty good (bad) way. So no. You're not losing your mind. However, the balance of the chemicals that run your brain is out of whack.
Thank you for trusting us with your words. Hugs - multiples of them!
For me that would be simple fix. Calm your emotions first. MOVE. Period. Don't let any of them know where you are heading or why. Don't leave a trail. If you are able to do it quickly, better yet. I sure wouldn't be pressured by any man. Personally, I am single, happy, financially ok without the ring on my finger. No stress, no toilet seat up, no dirty underwear on the floor. :) Just my advice. Give it some thought. You can always start over wherever you end up. I always say 'you get a little bit smarter the older you get'. :) Take care.
Thank you for that! I really really need to get smarter. I am amazed that for an intelligent woman I have and continue to do such dumb things. I am terrified, but a new beginning sounds irresistable. Maybe it won't work out; maybe it will be a disaster; but what is life without risk???? Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
I have stopped the accidental dating cold turkey. I don't need that in my life. Gonna work on healing and trying to focus on me.