Gina: It may be that your husband is having an affair, which has happened to many of the other posters on this site. My ex was involved with Hooters and strip clubs and left after 21 years. See a Lawyer or Legal Aid for low income people or inquire at the nearest courthouse for help or the local Bar Association. Close all joint bank accounts, lines of credit, etc. A Lawyer would tell you to do this. Many spouses have had their accounts "cleaned out" by the other. But - is it a relationship as you have written or a marriage? Let us know how it goes. We do care.

Gina, I am sorry to hear that you are going through this after so long. I was married 36 years when my husband just stopped talking to me over a conversation having to do with me meeting with my attorney who was handling my case after I was hurt in a car accident and needed surgery. Its been 4 1/2 yrs and we still barely speak. There was total silence for a whole yr. Then spotty talk for maybe a day but never more than 5 or six and it is still that way. I have filed for divorce because my husband has abused me and leading a life without me is horribly abusive. The pain in my heart never stops. You didn't give much detail, but there must be more. I found out that very soon after he stopped speaking, he befriended a woman who's husband recently died. They became best friends and he totally wrapped his time and effort in her life, not ours. They went on a 2 week vacation to Key West and also disappeared for 2 months, going away in her RV with her while it supposedly got repaired! I'm sure always being there for her boosted his ego and he felt no need to try to fix things with someone who held him accountable for his bad behavior. He has actually said he doesn't think he has done anything wrong and that it is me who looks at it the wrong way! He would stay and watch tv at her house every night till midnight and wouldn't let her lift a finger! He was always there to help, meanwhile, I had surgery and he never even looked at me or asked how I was. I caught him mowing her lawn once and he choked me to the point that I thought I was gonna die. I should have called the police but I am always afraid he will kill me. How nice to be so afraid of a man you thought loved you! He even helped her buy a house and then completely remodeled it to save her money! I could go on and on! 3 yrs into this, he busted up many things in the house and injured me. I filed. He was served and hid my car for 3 weeks and got a girlfriend. We tried to reconcile after a mediation for the divorce, but I snooped and found he never stopped seeing the "friend" and he was meeting with woman for drinks, breakfasts, dinners, motorcycle rides boat rides and who knows what! I know it hurts to think that something else may be motivating your husband, but, unfortunately, it is usually the case. Do you have any suspicions? Is there a chance he will go for marriage counseling to try to salvage your long marriage? Please let us know so we can possibly give better advise that may help from all of our heartbreaking experiences. Hugs...

This is so sad, but the first thing you need to do is to protect yourself. See an attorney (first visit usually free)...this doesn't mean you are getting a divorce; just getting your "ducks in a row." Since your husband may be doing......things you are not aware of. Of course see if he will get into counseling, but FIRST protect yourself. Go for counseling yourself, if he won't go.
Hugs Nicole

I wish there was a magic answer to that question. There isn't. It is sad and devastating and awful. It will likely knock you to the ground, and you will think you will never want to get up again. It is so much worse than if he had died. You have to start thinking about protecting yourself ... go see a lawyer and understand your options and rights. Tough things to think about when you are devastated and lost, but they have to be done. If you are like most of us, the man that you thought you knew no longer exists and probably hasn't for a while.

You have to take care of yourself now ... you are going to have to be strong to get through the ordeal. Ultimately, the only thing that heals this is time ...

I am sorry for your loss.

Ellie