Hello to all! I am new to this forum and need a little advice.

Background:
Ex husband cheated several times. I only knew of once, but have confirmed the rest now. The most recent affair resulted in our divorce after he promised to stop seeing her etc. I finally had enough and after being suckered for a year, filed for divorce. Tbh, he was a controlling, moody man and I am better off with him gone. When I look at life, I don't miss him but I do miss parts of our life together - if that makes sense. He was king of the grand gesture, witty, and knew how to make events fun.

With my mother having died when I was 8 and being raised in a children's home, his mom and sisters took me in as theirs. I know the separation and divorces has been difficult for them. But, my ex has forced his then-mistress, now-girlfriend into every family function and into the lives of my childrent (19 and 15). My MIL has said she doesn't want her around, but has no choice in keeping the peace. She also says I am always welcome and will be included in every family event.

Here are my two issues, for which I could greatly use advice:
- 1) I keep finding out about events after the fact where I have not been included. It is hurtful. I guess it boils down to jealousy. It just feels like I was extracted from that life and she was inserted. She even showed up at my son's lacrosse game wearing the same "team" shirt as me. Do these feelings go away? How do I effectively focus on all of the positive things in my life instead of feeling outplayed by the ex and his gf?

- 2) The ex is a Santa Claus dad - always buying my son new clothes and now telling my son that he can decide all visitation, etc. (He lives with me.) He took my son to get a job at the gf's office without telling me. He planned a vacation to Disney for this Thanksgiving by taking my holiday days without even a conversation. When I mentioned that we worked out a parenting plan and visitation plan that is now court-ordered as of only three months ago, he tells me (and now my son does as well) that he is old enough to decide all of that for himself and that a legal document should not prevent him from experiencing joy. In this time, I have not once denied him open and extra time with our son. I was even willing to let him have extra time at Thanksgiving, but he has become a bully and is putting our son in the middle. What do I do? It's hard enough building a close relationship with a teenage boy who lives only for sports and his girlfriend, but now I feel like it is some sort of competition with his father. And I feel like he is just slipping away from me. How do I bridge the gap between protecting my rights and time with him while not pushing him away.

I'm feeling dismayed and disillusioned. So, thank you in advance for any helpful words you may offer.

Kim

Kim: When your son is older, he will realize that your ex was "buying his love" and figure out what type of a person he really is. Our daughter did. She feels guilty now about how much money he spent on her. When he left, he bought her some jewelry a "guilt gift". My ex moved across the country and got a girlfriend before the divorce was final. I met her once. She's nice. They have been together for five years now (she's a widow) and haven't gotten married. I think they are just wanting companionship on the weekends. Good luck to her. She will need it. I have been divorced for five years, daughter was 18 when he left. I am with someone, but it is far from perfect as his ex girlfriends are local, but after a period of time, we worked things out. One of them is with someone new and the other has been dating. It is like "Sister Wives" sort of. It is best to move on after a couple of years of healing. Take good care of yourself and spend time with supportive friends. If you feel you cannot speak to this other woman, even over time, steer clear of her at the gatherings.