I have been involved in a long battle in family court for almost 4 years. We were together for 22+ years, married for 17 1/2. He was very controlling financially, emotionally, and every other aspect of my life. I filed for divorce in 2010 and the only thing that has been decided is custody of our daughter, visitation and support. That took 2 1/2 years to resolve. My ex (or one day to be) has does everything imaginable. He refused to accept the divorce papers at the beginning claiming he did not believe in divorce for religious reasons (I am wife #2), then a full psychiatric eval. which he asked for his money back from the therapist due to the therapist not finding me crazy but rather a woman with low self esteem and self worth. I have faced 10 contempt charges which were all dismissed. He told our daughter I was going to jail and then he ended up with supervised visitations due to his constant belittling of me to our daughter. He allocated 1/2 of his income the first year we were separated ( I was a stay at home mom the entire time we were together)but now a have to deal with the IRS on that issue. I have 80% custody yet he continues to claim our daughter on his taxes causing mine to be kicked back because someone else is claiming my dependent. He claimed disability as soon as I left dropping his income by more than 3/4 of what it was when we were together. He filed bankruptcy including the figure that was proposed by a special master in a report that was never determined by the court in addition to over 10K in back support, both of which are now tied up in the bankruptcy leaving me to get a check from the court each month for the next 5 years. Don't get me wrong I am appreciative of that, the frustrating part, neither debt will be any where near being paid off at the end of 5 years. The strange thing is neither had been determined by the court but when he put it in there, the court found in my favor for the support stating he put in his bankruptcy so he must be admitting he owed it. He had claimed before in court that it was not owed. He refuses to pay any of our daughters expenses medical bills, school tuition, etc...claiming that is what the support is for and that he is no way responsible for any thing else. He has even called offices and other places I take her to, telling them he is not responsible. He took our daughter at the beginning of the divorce during one of his times he had her for the evening for dinner and had her DNA tested to prove she was his daughter, she was 10 at the time. I have an atty but it seems we get side swiped every time I turn around. He fired his atty and represents himself. I do not know what to do anymore. I comply with all orders, do all the driving to the drops offs, as he says I have to pay his gas if he has to drive. I drive 20 miles one way, he drives about 2 miles one way to the neutral business location for all drop offs and pick ups. I feel more bullied now than when we were married. I know this was long and drawn out, but is there any one else that has been through this and please just tell me it all worked out in the end. Any advice is most appreciated. I have a strong support with family and friends, but what else would they say to me, except keep your chin up, it will all work out in the end. I need to hear the cold hard truth from anyone that has been down this road.

Is there Light: My ex tried to kick me out, accused me of abusing him (he is a black belt in karate and is never home and sometimes called me names) and accused me of hiding money and wanted custody of our then 18 year old daughter, started drinking at the end of the marriage and put me down to our daughter. I had a good family lawyer. She said the divorce would be final in about a year. He lost his job and stalled on the alimony. I was a stay at home mom for half the marriage and put our daughter in the car and delivered papers after that. He dumped $600/mo. into the church (donations). In my opinion, your marriage should have been dissolved by now. My ex's Lawyer expected me to go back to work full time so ex would not have to pay, but I had papers from two Doctors stating I could not return to previous work which was office work. Our daughter and I eventually learned not to depend upon him for anything. I went to the local Food Pantry, stopped the OnStar and the DVR (cut the bills). Many women are trained to shop/do errands/clean for the elderly. I think this all needs to go before a Judge. I know someone who has been divorced for many years, but continues to be bullied by her ex, so they don't talk much - only when it concerns the kids. It seems like it is either child support or alimony that is given and you are getting your child support so that is a step in the right direction. I was able to get off alimony in two years because of my Dad's Estate. Take care.

Hi there,

I am sorry for the hell he is putting you through (still) and have some thoughts on what you wrote.

1. ASK your lawyer if he/she is comfortable taking on your stbx in this manner or if he/she can suggest another attorney who would be better suited to this type of battle. HOPEFULLY, if they are working in your best interests then they will be willing to help you move on if it is needed. You may need a high-powered and higher priced shark. Unfortunate but true.

2. Whoever files their taxes first gets the kid if they're being claimed by more than one parent. It sucks but this means you have to file ASAP, even if it means filing early and then later amending your return. If you have a tax person (who is NOT a friend of your stbx) then ask their advice on this. At least it may ease this one problem and put it in his lap. What a jerk.

3. He canNOT make you pay gas for traveling for visitation. However, is he allowed to be alone with your dd in the car if his visits are to be supervised? I'm a trifle confused here.

4. Some judges will take a sudden disability claim and then make the support/alimony decision on what the person earned in the past, seeing that the disability claim is only being used as a dodge to pay their spouse a higher amount.

5. I am amazed he was allowed to file for bankruptcy as the rules for doing so have really been tightened recently. Did he tell you did or are you absolutely sure he did?

6. Taking your daughter to have a DNA test done -- was it a cheek swab? a blood test? sounds borderline abusive but as her dad he's allowed to have a medical procedure done. I guess. Maybe.

7. Every time I reread your story I keep thinking you need a new attorney, one who can and will fight back, knows your court system (the judges!), and is willing to jump on everything trick he does.

Hang in there.
Hugs.