Re: Advice getting through a high conflict divorce
Is there Light: My ex tried to kick me out, accused me of abusing him (he is a black belt in karate and is never home and sometimes called me names) and accused me of hiding money and wanted custody of our then 18 year old daughter, started drinking at the end of the marriage and put me down to our daughter. I had a good family lawyer. She said the divorce would be final in about a year. He lost his job and stalled on the alimony. I was a stay at home mom for half the marriage and put our daughter in the car and delivered papers after that. He dumped $600/mo. into the church (donations). In my opinion, your marriage should have been dissolved by now. My ex's Lawyer expected me to go back to work full time so ex would not have to pay, but I had papers from two Doctors stating I could not return to previous work which was office work. Our daughter and I eventually learned not to depend upon him for anything. I went to the local Food Pantry, stopped the OnStar and the DVR (cut the bills). Many women are trained to shop/do errands/clean for the elderly. I think this all needs to go before a Judge. I know someone who has been divorced for many years, but continues to be bullied by her ex, so they don't talk much - only when it concerns the kids. It seems like it is either child support or alimony that is given and you are getting your child support so that is a step in the right direction. I was able to get off alimony in two years because of my Dad's Estate. Take care.
Re: Advice getting through a high conflict divorce
Hi there,
I am sorry for the hell he is putting you through (still) and have some thoughts on what you wrote.
1. ASK your lawyer if he/she is comfortable taking on your stbx in this manner or if he/she can suggest another attorney who would be better suited to this type of battle. HOPEFULLY, if they are working in your best interests then they will be willing to help you move on if it is needed. You may need a high-powered and higher priced shark. Unfortunate but true.
2. Whoever files their taxes first gets the kid if they're being claimed by more than one parent. It sucks but this means you have to file ASAP, even if it means filing early and then later amending your return. If you have a tax person (who is NOT a friend of your stbx) then ask their advice on this. At least it may ease this one problem and put it in his lap. What a jerk.
3. He canNOT make you pay gas for traveling for visitation. However, is he allowed to be alone with your dd in the car if his visits are to be supervised? I'm a trifle confused here.
4. Some judges will take a sudden disability claim and then make the support/alimony decision on what the person earned in the past, seeing that the disability claim is only being used as a dodge to pay their spouse a higher amount.
5. I am amazed he was allowed to file for bankruptcy as the rules for doing so have really been tightened recently. Did he tell you did or are you absolutely sure he did?
6. Taking your daughter to have a DNA test done -- was it a cheek swab? a blood test? sounds borderline abusive but as her dad he's allowed to have a medical procedure done. I guess. Maybe.
7. Every time I reread your story I keep thinking you need a new attorney, one who can and will fight back, knows your court system (the judges!), and is willing to jump on everything trick he does.