Well I just posted a LONG message and son of a gun it said that I couldn't I don't know why .. well .. I will try again only shorter this time. I'm 45 now, with two children 15 girl and 10 boy. The last time I was here I was trying to figure out what to do about temporary support and I wanted to share that part of the deal 2 years ago went well. Still trying to get divorced and would you believe that here I am 4 days away from getting a final decree .. my atty has a stroke .. actually he had the stroke last weekend .. I seriously wanted to cry. Oh well .. he's ok and I'm grateful for that .. how sad and I know selfish on my part we were soooo close. I'm hoping my stbx doesn't do anything stupid. We'll see. I also wanted to share that I have sole custody of the kids, my stbx is an active drinker and his drinking without question causes issues for him and for us from time to time. I had to take out an order of protection which I represented myself .. at the time my atty thought I was being "over reactive" when I got the TOP .. she changed her tune big time .. it was actually kind of funny .. literally I saw his atty every month sometimes twice for good measure to the point I can say .. I feel comfortable in a court room. LOL!! I have now had to change atty's 3x if my poor atty doesn't recover this will #4 .. the secretary looked at me and said .. you know this is not you .. I laughed and said I KNOW however you are running out of atty's. It has been expensive and didn't have to be .. we have gone through him not disclosing he's still not .. we have been through everything under the sun .. I swear. Something I was able to get in the parenting agreement was that the kids decide when visitation is over .. meaning .. he's suppose to have them every other weekend his choice on that part .. well .. if they go on Friday night and say sorry Charlie we are done .. doesn't matter if it's 15 min into visitation they are done. He made a big decision not to see them for 8 months and pretty much did it to himself. He's going to crap himself when he figures out I know what he's been making and he lied to the judge about what has been going on. This particular judge who also happens to be the judge in charge of his criminal charges (he violated the TOP 3 weeks in). I didn't go for the full OP because I figure it would be hard and there are a couple things I do need to talk to him about directly .. he was pretty scary during that time .. drunk texting when he had the kids stuff like that. Anyway, hoping to be done with the divorce before the summer ends .. his atty is getting ready to drop him like a hot potato .. I have dealt with harassment from his atty and that ALL stopped when he started seeing me in the court room .. I do not care for him in the least .. and it killed him each time I showed up. I'm so glad this site is here and I will have questions regarding some wording and how things go. Hugs L :)

Lisa,

Glad to hear things are going well for you, even through it's been a long long process. I hope your attorney gets better soon. What strength you've had to deal with everything!

hugs.

Bee,

It has been a LONG process without question. It's good to be back and I hope to share what I have learned in the process with others so they can make decisions for themselves based upon what is the best business deal for them to make. I know I would have done a couple of things differently, I also know there are things I would do again if push came to shove .. calling the police, him going to jail .. both of those things without question I would do again. I can't get my brain around why someone who wanted out would drag this out the way he did and STILL won't cooperate .. as if no one is going to mention it or talk about it kind of thing.

I keep hearing how strong I am .. I don't know if I would call it strength or I just happen to be a bumble bee .. I do it because it has to be done and there is no one else TO do it .. someone is always there telling me you can't do this or that and there I am going well ok .. good for you .. watch me .. LOL.

Hugs, L :)

Lisa: Since you stated he did not see them for eight months and he is a habitual drinker, I would recommend either supervised visitation or termination of his parental rights. Hope you find a new Lawyer ASAP if your Attorney is not expected to recover for a while.

Totally freaked out I know I responded to this last night and my post is just GONE!!

Yes, he's definitely got issues with alcohol. I'm trying to avoid calling him an alcoholic as really that's his story to tell.

Part of my parenting agreement is the both of my children have the right to call visitation done. My daughter is 15 and my son is 10 .. the fact I got this in writing and the judge signed off on it HUGE. I got SOOO lucky that he just signed the agreement. I also have sole custody of the kids. He has had some awful moments. The kids have tools to deal and they know I'm a phone call away if needed and they know how to call the police as well. My daughter takes a copy of the parenting agreement with her when they go out. He is unaware of that .. push has come to shove .. the kids are able to set some very strong boundaries. The reality is .. their dad is going to drink until he finds recovery .. he's not a bad person .. I do wish he wouldn't be a pain in the butt .. and just finish what he started already .. the disease has made him a liar, cheat, thief and a drunk .. thankfully he still has a job .. how I don't know. I just hope he hangs on until I can get a better job. It is only 4 days out of the month they have to see him and honestly .. of course they want to see their dad. Now .. he shows to my house drunk or high .. we will have issues and the kids won't get in the car with him.

I'm in a state that favors father's rights so for me to get what I have .. it wouldn't be unusual to have this cost thousands of dollars to get it situated .. I mean double digits 30 to 40k. Terminating rights is not that easy .. plus he pays .. unwillingly of course .. child support and I do need that at the moment. I will be very content with the parenting agreement in place as well as the fact the mediator took my agenda and pursued sole custody based upon his dealings with my stbx.

I trust my kids to know when they have had enough visitation .. they actually have had no overnights for almost a year now .. 8 months no contact and then when they did start contact .. he acted out and they told him NO thank you. They see his crazy at the same time it's hard on them .. they want their dad .. that's the hardest part for me is that part of the deal.

Hugs L :)