It's been a long time since I wrote on this forum. I went through my whole divorced process (a year and a half) with the dear women on this site. My divorced was finalize a year ago exactly. And that is when he moved out. And for the first 6 to 7 months, I was on a high. The freedom, the peace, the quiet, having friends over, and enjoying my home for the first time in 13 years, well you could not contain my happiness.

He,....well he bought a house, and within 6 months, put in $80,000 to renovate it, making it look like a palace. He got two new cars, a Korvette, and a daily car, and he got a woman. And that is when my ego was smashed. No one was more surprised than me!!!

His life, and hers has become everything that my life with him wasn't. They go out, dancing, beach, movies, dinners. He washes her car, and takes care of her two dogs, and he has one of his own. This is a man who wouldn't let my mother come to be with us, when she was dying because it made him uncomfortable. I never so much as got an oil change from him. I paid half of everything and now buying food every week instead of every three weeks, is quite normal for him. My heart breaks with every little informatio I hear. It was like I was truly nothing, or maybe just the wrong women for him and he found exactly what he needed. But my emotions, my mnd, goes over every little thing in our lives all of a sudden and it isn't healthy. Was I that easy to forget? Did I mean anythig to him, ever and any point?

What is wrong with me. There was no way, our marriage was a marriage in any sense. he was a bully, a control freak and took every last dime he made and hid it. Now spending money is no big thing. We never had a vacation, or saw the fireworks, or celebrated a birthday, or an anniversary...ever. Not the case now. I am sick to my stomach and so angry with myself for feeling this way.

Am I dating? NO...the desire is just not there. Have another man do to me what he did...just can't take that chance. I feel old at 64. He at 70, looks like 50 and seems to have the world by a string. I am jealous. That is it. And why? The world around me was happy to see him go. But I don't feel happy anymore. Envy, jealousy and heatbroken is what I am feeling. What the hell is this all about.

From my limited experience it sounds a lot like grief that you are expressing. That's completely healthy and grief comes in stages especially when the outcome isn't what we expected such as .. the sig other moving on before we do .. and he's a man .. usually men do quickly as they have a harder time being alone .. you mentioned he was 70 .. well I'm sure he needs a nurse at this point.

Has he changed .. no not really .. maybe for a year or two .. not forever. The old behavior will come out with the new wears off.

I'm very sorry for your pain and confusion.

You might be right .. maybe the two of you weren't right for each other .. I tend to believe in my naivety that leopards don't change their spots over night. I love how people jump from one relationship to another as if that is the magic fix .. doing the work on the inside leads to a far more fulfilling life. Have you considered going to divorce support or counseling?

I really encourage anyone to live their life to the fullest and find YOUR passion and what you feel good about.

I watched my STBX's s/mom go through a divorce after almost 34 years with his dad .. she was roughly your age I believe .. she was angry how fast he moved on and how he got remarried literally within 2 years (or less) of their divorce being finalized. She was not happy in that marriage .. like father like son .. there was abuse, infidelity, addictions, I remember her being so devastated even 5 years into it. I was so sad for her because she stopped living her life and was so focused on HIM, did he ever think about HER .. did he ever ask about HER .. he's never called his grandchildren at my house going on 5 years .. I think he's spoken to the kids 2x maybe 4x in the past 2 1/2 years. Personally I'm glad they don't have a relationship with him .. he's a sick guy. It's where my STBX is headed.

My point being .. you have a right to be happy .. I think I loose focus when I falsely believe that someone's outside package somehow looks better than what I know to be true on the inside makes the outside package more true and that's a false belief. That doesn't mean I need to be bitter .. it just means .. I need to remember there was a reason we got divorced and if he wasn't good to you or for you .. be glad you won't be the one who will be taking care of him when he's sick. You deserve better.

Hugs L :)

Dear Emily,

It sounds like you need an extended NO INFORMATION time with regards to ANYTHING about your ex. Whatever/whoever your source is, tell them to stop. You not only don't want to hear it, you can't. Because it's making you ill. You don't need to compare, you don't need to dive into the whys, you don't need the grief.

It's time once again to stop yourself each and every time your brain turns to thinking about him. Say it out loud if needed, immediately turn your thoughts to something else, shake him out of your head.

Now if the $ he is spending needs to come to the attention of your attorney....that's another matter.

Hang in there. Hugs.

Sounds to me that he's going through his 'bucket list' really, really fast. From what you are saying,... maybe he's panicing at '70'. The "I wants", and "must have's" before it's gone. The face and body look 50, but inside, he's 70 and he knows it! I say, 'look the other way and enjoy your life' ! ! !