I was substantiated for neglect and was not given the chance to defend myself. When I contested adjudication, my husband took adjudication on himself, when I went to appeal my substantiation, I found I would not be able to have my public defender represent me. During this time I was removed from the home and for three months I was homeless. I finally moved back to my home state after I was unable to secure a job or a car and the person I was living with would not have the space for me. I went six solid months without hearing anything from my husband, no phone calls, no responses to my emails or letters. I got one from a blocked number that when the case was closed he was going to file for divorce. I documented all of my husband's domestic violence to me and my older son and they called me back and made a joke out of it. I can't make this stuff up. Finally he asks me how I changed before the case was closed and he said he was giving us a chance. I wasn't backing down from him getting a psychological to alleviate my fears of his anger and it went from "I'm moving down with you as soon as you get us a place" to "You're never going to see the kids again." I asked him if there was someone else and he said no. This meant he was leaving me for his mom. I have all the case notes regarding my investigation and I wasn't surprised to see that they were being fed misinformation from other sources.
The divorce starts and they wanted to close the case and give my husband sole custody and my defender proposed giving both of us custody and meanwhile my husband and I are trying to work things out at this time. Then I get a text, don't worry about the paperwork I'm sending, the guardian ad litem and my mom forced me to. It's interim custody orders to the divorce judge with an expedited order describing how terrible I am as a mother. I called him up and I asked him if he really thought those things were true and he couldn't answer me.
Going on the idea he was coming down once I found a place I financed a car and was starting to look and he's telling me it's going to be a year for me to save up enough money to get established. I never did this before and I thought because all the finance child support stuff was blank he wasn't asking for any. So being in another state I get paperwork from the judge rather late asking for child support that's more than I can afford after getting the car. I don't want to ask to lower it because I want to pay it and help out. But I fall behind quickly because my bills coming in are more than I make to afford it as well. He sent me another text saying that if I gave him sole custody of the kids he would waive the child support. I'm grieving the death of my marriage, the unjust and unfair accusations that brought me to this point, taking the responsibility of not only my actions but my husbands as well, and he wants to use child support as extortion. (Again my point of view at this time.)
I respond to every concern he sent me in an email or a phone call, he even says thank you for telling me that, and still it's not good enough.
I am told that if he tries to reconcile with me that the case will be reopened and the kids will go back to foster care- even if I satisfied every concern they had about me. I don't understand why an organization to protect kids can have the mother in question do everything she's supposed to do and yet keep her from having her family back. So I told him to write something up and I would sign it. I begged him for joint custody and to get out of that state and put all of this behind us. "I like it here." The only family my sons have up there are his mom, a distant cousin and him. I asked him what he would do if I moved back up there and he said he would just tell me to go back down. It takes two to make joint custody work and I'm vacillating back and forth between taking his settlement or not. It severs my obligations as the mother and gives him sole custody of the kids without paying child support. That would mean I could afford the "stress management" sessions I was prescribed and could afford to save up to get established. But does that mean I would never get to see my kids again or could I modify it when the situation changes?