My husband asked for a divorce over 9 months ago. He ended up cheating on me. We were separated and in marriage counseling for about a month before he asked for the divorce. Fast forward to about 2 months ago. we re-connected. We started marriage counseling again, but with someone new. My husband is depressed. And is not in individual counseling. Also he is not sure he really wants to be married. He says he loves me, and that I am a good person (which I already know). But he doesn't know if being married is what he wants. He is going to be 30 and is seemingly in a mid-life crisis. Its crazy but its the best i can make of it. I am struggling so hard. How can someone feel this way? You love me, miss me but do not know you want to stay together? After being separated for this long. I love him. and know that being in a relationship, especially a marriage that it has its ups and downs. I just hate feeling like I am disposable. and that he will probably just hurt me again. I am fearful that he is not strong enough to go through all of this and to make a discussion.
Mindy: I was diagnosed with recurring Major Depressive Disorder back in 2005. People who are depressed usually lose interest in things which previously gave them joy. I would not get back into bed with him until he is tested for STDs since he has admittedly been cheating. I hope he gets back into counseling and/or is on meds. It sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. Do you want this marriage? There are other nice people out there and you are still young. If it were me, I would move on. My ex asked me for a divorce and got someone new before the divorce was final. Someone nice found me a few years later.
What is it YOU want .. do you want to be with someone who is not sure they want to be with you? I have had to take a journey of my own and find out why I wanted and needed to be with someone who really didn't want to be with me .. he was with me because until someone else came along it was better than being single. I decided I wanted someone who wanted to be with ME not flip flop on their decisions. He needs to get help for himself and when that is addressed and you are in a better space .. you can always get remarried if that is what the universe has planned .. however .. in the meantime .. I really encourage you not to wait around on someone who may or may not want you.
I also agree with Lara .. before you engage sexually with him again .. have him get tested .. your sexual health matters and you would be horrified as to what is out there .. and I would encourage you to be tested as well.
Hugs there is life after divorce .. you deserve to live it to the fullest.
I did get tested for STD's as did he. I know it may sound naïve but I do not believe he will cheat again. But I know it can happen again.
I do want the marriage. I know I want to be with someone who feels the same. I am not going to wait forever. I am trying to be patience and understanding because U understand how hard it can be to be depressed. And also I do not what to just run away because things are hard right now.