I totally understand what you are feeling and going through. Although my divorce was my decision....I am the one that has turned my life up side down. I moved to a different state leaving my adult son and the few friends that I had.
Starting over and learning to be your own person again is the scariest thing ever, but remember you are not alone.
you must force yourself to get out of the house and have some human contact even if its the last thing you thing you want. It will help.
Hang in there it will get better.

I feel your pain. I have been married for 21 yrs and 2 college aged girls. My husband 2 yrs ago up and moved out no warning. I let him come back twice and he still cheated on me after that. It's been over 2 yrs still not divorce and we are trying to do it without lawyers. He makes me feel horrible about myself and has a girlfriend yet is dragging his feet. I feel like I am in a never ending nightmare.

Please get an attorney. It is sooooo easy to mess up a divorce, and there are a lot of in's and out's that he make take advantage of. He makes you feel horrible about yourself, don't later look back and say, "I wish I'd had an attorney but I felt so beaten down I just did whatever the ex said in order to keep the peace."