I am a 37 year old male who desperately needs help deciding to stay in his marriage and make it work or if its time to cut my losses and move on. I would appreciate any and all constructive opinions and advice.

I am 37 years old, been divorced once prior and I have a daughter from a previous relationship. My daughter may not be mine biologically but ive been there since her birth, first one to hold her in hospital and she is mine as far as I a concerned. I have been in a relationship with my wife for 4 years and we have been married for 2.5 She has a son from a previous marriage who I've adopted and we have a 7 month old on our own.

Shortly after I first met my wife and began dating her my daughters mother told me she wanted to try to work on things and I wanted this on my end as well. Having a daughter with her, I gave this a lot of consideration. I explained the situation to my future wife and asked for some time to consider everything. I ultimately decided that there had been too much happen in my previous relationship to continue it and me and my ex worked out our issues and agreed we would remain friends and be mature and focus on what's best for our daughter.

I came back to my future wife and told her I had decided I didn't my ex I wanted her and we continued our relationship.

This has apparently been a point of contention and insecurity for my wife ever since even though she never made me aware of it. She has had issues we have fought over because f the relationship my ex and myself have. Things like my ex being late for pick up or drop off, last minute changes to pick up/drop off or changes in days my ex or I have our daughter infuriate her and she claims I am letting her dictate things and run our lives.

I don't feel that way I feel like yes at times these things are an irritant but they aren't worth starting a fight over and all in all things balance out for everyone. I am more concerned with keeping a good relationship with my ex for my daughters sake than I am picking a fight over her being 20 minutes late one night.

my daughter and my adopted son have had a very close relationship and are very good friends. My daughter loves her step mom and our new son and all in all I believe things have been very good.

My wife has had issues dealing with my daughter for a while and I can understand to a degree. Admittedly my daughter has her issues She is very timid and scared about trying new things, she can get very emotional and whiny, and she has issues with doing things for herself that a 6 year old should and can do. I attribute this to the fact on her moms side of the house she is passed around a lot and has no stability plus her grandma spoiling her and doing a lot of these things for her.

I have tried explaining to my wife there's a lot on confusion for my daughter and she needs love and positive reinforcement and we cant control what the people on her mothers side do and how they admittedly spoil her, just keep doing what we feel is best when we have her and she cant or wont understand that.

Fast forward to a few months ago my ex approached me and said that our daughter had told her my daughter and adopted son had been exposing themselves to each other. He is 7 and shes 6. I brought this to my wife and she went through the roof, forbidding my to have my daughter again at our house because that's the only way she can protect her son.

My argument is that she has nothing to protect him from, they are children it wasn't a sexual predatory thing it was a curiosity thing and its normal. But she cant get that, so ever since ive had to be away from my family when I have my daughter and go to my parents 1.5 hours away.

On my birthday she had my parents bring my daughter over then proceeded to tell her son they couldn't play or be together and to avind my daughter, then she tells her family bad things about my daughter. So she has poisoned her family and her son against my daughter not to mention she was very cold and callous to her the few hours my daughter was there.

My daughter has been very hurt and confused throughout this time and just wants to be with her family.

Fast forward a few weeks and it comes out that my wife thinks my daughters not my blood so I should just give her up and walk away on top of she hates my daughter and hates how my family spoils her. She also insists that she wont allow me to have my sons when I have my daughter.

Now I don't know where to turn Ii love my wife she is a good woman and has always been good to me and good to my daughter under most all conditions. I hate the fact If I leave I wont have the relationship with my youngest I could have if I stayed but what does staying with someone who hates my daughter tell my daughter. I know I need to do what's best for her and im afraid that's a divorce.

Please anyone with constructive input or advice let me know what you think

I would suggest counseling it could only help!

Jason: When our daughter was little, she and a boy down the street (they were both under age 12) got naked in the closet I found out years later. I also believe this was a situation in which the kids were curious. Nothing ever came of it. They are friends. I grew up in the 60's and we called it "playing Doctor". Anyway, it would seem that no matter what, whether or not you are the biological father of this girl, you want to be in her life and I can understand that and I think it's disruptive for people to cut children out of their lives if they have a good, established relationship with them, but if I were in your situation, I would get a DNA test and counseling if you have insurance to cover it and if she is not yours, I would cut back the time spent, but let her know she is still in your life. My current boyfriend has dated two women with kids (he's never been married) and he has limited contact with the kids, but cut back the time. The kid with the first ex is grown up, but he still sees him occasionally and has known him all his life. The time spent with his last ex's kids was cutting into our time and she had moved on with a new guy and my guy wanted another man to step in and take a more active role with the kids, but remains a call away if he is needed. We have gone to many ballgames to view the youngest playing ball, but this has declined. This all happened right after he met me, but they supposedly had been broken up for almost a year. She was a "here today, gone tomorrow" girlfriend with him and others. He nearly went back to her a couple of times, but realized he deserved better. (She broke it off but continued texting and calling him for months, sometimes when we were on a date and he would silence the incoming call on his cell). I had to compete with an ex girl and her kids for over a year until she was a little more committed to another guy she dated for about 2 yrs. I told him I felt like he had an ex wife and kids. My ex husband and my daughter is in her early 20s and my ex and she are living in two separate States across the country. (The most recent ex girl cut off communication with my guy for 3 mos. to work on a new relationship which was a relief and then we talked). Bottom line is it is not easy competing with an ex and the child, especially if the child is not a biological one or may not be. I think I would have been more understanding if the child were a biological one. The grown child of the first ex had a father who was having difficulties, so it made it easier for me to understand that connection (plus they dated for many years during his youth). Best wishes. There is a lot at stake here. A lot of talking needs to be done. The children of the most recent ex are getting older now and establishing friendships so the contact with all has naturally declined (one in college, one in high school and one in Jr. high). The ex's and I talked in order to make it work and 3 years has gone by - it takes mature people to step up, and, frankly, I can understand why your wife is upset about the ex girl dictating because this is what I went through and they weren't even together anymore (she wanted him to help her out at her home because they family had grown weary of helping her they told me). My guy also, on top of it, has a large family and elderly parents and works many hours.

Dear Jason, Why aren't there more men like you out there. I was a step-child and had a step-child. It is difficult at best. I feel your wife is so so wrong here. A father is the one who loves and cares for a child not just the sperm provider. In your heart and most importantly in your daughter's heart you are her father. I can understand your wife feeling insecure about the ex. It is up to you to let her know that you care for the ex but do not love her in that way. I would demand your wife go to therapy. I am not living in your shoes but I would have never let your wife band your daughter from your home. Her child is older maybe he started it. Regardless this is normal and your wife reaction isn't. Do you want to be married to someone who whould hate a six year old? I think if you stand up to your wife she will back down. I think it is just wrong on all levels. Is your wife really a good person if she would do this to an innocent child? In this day in age you could get 50% custody of your child with your wife. Does she really want to break up her family? It is your job to protect your daughter. If your wife won't bend divorce her. She is not the type of women a great guy like you deserves. My thoughts go with you.