Jason: When our daughter was little, she and a boy down the street (they were both under age 12) got naked in the closet I found out years later. I also believe this was a situation in which the kids were curious. Nothing ever came of it. They are friends. I grew up in the 60's and we called it "playing Doctor". Anyway, it would seem that no matter what, whether or not you are the biological father of this girl, you want to be in her life and I can understand that and I think it's disruptive for people to cut children out of their lives if they have a good, established relationship with them, but if I were in your situation, I would get a DNA test and counseling if you have insurance to cover it and if she is not yours, I would cut back the time spent, but let her know she is still in your life. My current boyfriend has dated two women with kids (he's never been married) and he has limited contact with the kids, but cut back the time. The kid with the first ex is grown up, but he still sees him occasionally and has known him all his life. The time spent with his last ex's kids was cutting into our time and she had moved on with a new guy and my guy wanted another man to step in and take a more active role with the kids, but remains a call away if he is needed. We have gone to many ballgames to view the youngest playing ball, but this has declined. This all happened right after he met me, but they supposedly had been broken up for almost a year. She was a "here today, gone tomorrow" girlfriend with him and others. He nearly went back to her a couple of times, but realized he deserved better. (She broke it off but continued texting and calling him for months, sometimes when we were on a date and he would silence the incoming call on his cell). I had to compete with an ex girl and her kids for over a year until she was a little more committed to another guy she dated for about 2 yrs. I told him I felt like he had an ex wife and kids. My ex husband and my daughter is in her early 20s and my ex and she are living in two separate States across the country. (The most recent ex girl cut off communication with my guy for 3 mos. to work on a new relationship which was a relief and then we talked). Bottom line is it is not easy competing with an ex and the child, especially if the child is not a biological one or may not be. I think I would have been more understanding if the child were a biological one. The grown child of the first ex had a father who was having difficulties, so it made it easier for me to understand that connection (plus they dated for many years during his youth). Best wishes. There is a lot at stake here. A lot of talking needs to be done. The children of the most recent ex are getting older now and establishing friendships so the contact with all has naturally declined (one in college, one in high school and one in Jr. high). The ex's and I talked in order to make it work and 3 years has gone by - it takes mature people to step up, and, frankly, I can understand why your wife is upset about the ex girl dictating because this is what I went through and they weren't even together anymore (she wanted him to help her out at her home because they family had grown weary of helping her they told me). My guy also, on top of it, has a large family and elderly parents and works many hours.

Dear Jason, Why aren't there more men like you out there. I was a step-child and had a step-child. It is difficult at best. I feel your wife is so so wrong here. A father is the one who loves and cares for a child not just the sperm provider. In your heart and most importantly in your daughter's heart you are her father. I can understand your wife feeling insecure about the ex. It is up to you to let her know that you care for the ex but do not love her in that way. I would demand your wife go to therapy. I am not living in your shoes but I would have never let your wife band your daughter from your home. Her child is older maybe he started it. Regardless this is normal and your wife reaction isn't. Do you want to be married to someone who whould hate a six year old? I think if you stand up to your wife she will back down. I think it is just wrong on all levels. Is your wife really a good person if she would do this to an innocent child? In this day in age you could get 50% custody of your child with your wife. Does she really want to break up her family? It is your job to protect your daughter. If your wife won't bend divorce her. She is not the type of women a great guy like you deserves. My thoughts go with you.