Thank you all for the advice. My other fear (actually, the biggest one) is him not being able to care for the kids properly, if I do leave and we set up a court order. If I wasn't here, I don't know what would happen with his stepdaughter. Since he is a carpenter, he spends his days in the freezing cold and heat. For 6 years every day that he has come home, collapsed on the couch and slept for hours. I am afraid to leave my daughter with him in that kind of environment. I had left my daughter with him for one weekend in the fall- she had barely eaten anything, bedsheets were loaded with pee, and she was not bathed. There is no way I can prove him to be an unfit parent. Trust me, we have been to court several times with his ex. I would love for there to be supervised visitation, but he has already threatened he would do everything in his power to make sure that doesn't happen. Last night I had had enough, and told him I wanted to separate. He said "Good, leave. Bye." With a **** eating grin on his face. I own everything in this house. I mean everything. Now I am forced to leave (his boss is our landlord, rented it out to him) and take everything with me, including a ton of furniture, electronics, etc. I shouldn't be the one moving, I am here all day every day working from home while he's not here- he sleeps here. I am going to have a talk with his parents, also, my mother who doesn't know any of this is going on. Why must women be put in this position? I have a lot on my plate, a lot of heavy thinking and planning ahead of me.

First off, there is a lot more to this story and the level of the abuse that is happening is only going to escalate .. I have dealt with a drug addict and alcoholic/drug addict at this point (think my picker is a little bent?) .. abuse of ANY kind only gets worse .. I agree get some help for YOU. He has already shown you the kind of person he is going to be while you are there .. in my situation it got worse when I left. You can't make him be a good dad and from the sounds of it if you are the emotional glue to the kids once you are gone he will be too .. meaning expect to be a truly single parent. YES .. the burden in many of these cases falls to the women .. not always .. however there is more than not and again .. he's showing you who he is .. believe him. It has helped me a great deal to get counseling for myself and in my case the kids too. They love their dad .. they do not like him and it is what it is. Second off I don't know what YOUR financial situation is BEFORE YOU LEAVE get every single piece of paper that and copy it that has ANYTHING to do with financial records .. pay records, taxes, and so on .. it is important as he will and can hide money and you deserve child support. He is probably not going to be the dad your daughter or your step daughter deserve .. that's the way the cookie crumbles .. I would encourage you to see what your options are when it comes to visitation .. I was very lucky and in my case I got sole custody of both of the kids. Again .. in my case I was able to get it worded so that they leave when they are done. Anyway you DO have a lot to think about if money is an issue start looking now .. I went for 12 weeks with no support I was not working at the time and thankfully I followed my own advice .. his atty walked in thinking he was going to delay for months and what happened was it was literally delayed a day. My atty was SHOCKED .. I had everything I needed right at my finger tips which made his life very easy. I was insistent that we go to trial immediately over temp support. I spoke to a woman who it was delayed 10x the last I talked to her .. that is NOT ok so protect yourself and get as many copies of things as you can. If he has had legal issues have those copied as well. The DV will help you in the beginning as well you can get an immediate order of protection it doesn't matter what he doesn't remember the fact the police were called and he acted out .. THAT matters. THAT is on record .. always protect yourself first. BIG HUGS .. it does get better I'm still trying to get divorce 2 1/2 years later. The other thing this has taught me is shop around for an atty .. there are atty's who have seen single mom's be horribly taken advantage of there are ones who are very good who will charge a flat fee regardless how many times you go to court. Do your homework there are 3 kinds of atty's sharks, snakes and foxes .. it is a fox you want .. a shark promises the world takes your money and you do not get the promises that were made .. a snake is just straight up deceptive and will take your money and bill for every single little thing .. a fox takes your money .. they are concerned in doing what is right for you .. I'm 14k into the hole on this divorce I made less than what I paid my atty last year .. I work part-time and it has been rough. It is NOT ok for these situations to happen.

Well ladies, it has been 3 months since I last wrote on this post. Thankfully, with a lot of hard work, determination and prayers, my husband and I were able to stay together. One day back in July I asked his boss (our landlord) if he had any places to rent. He then found out I wanted to separate from my husband, and I think he had a long talk with my husband that day on the work site. That, or my husband realized I was really going to go through with it and he needed to change.We did have a talk about the abuse, and he revealed he was severely depressed and having somewhat of a mid-life crisis over everything going on, he just snapped but in an entirely inappropriate morally wrong way. I forgave him, because I know deep down he's not a bad person, he wasn't being himself. We are doing extremely well now, to the point where I haven't felt this connection with him except for when we were first dating. We haven't fought in over a month. In fact, we don't fight at all... I ended up going to Arizona to see my best friend for a week and he watched the kids, and he was amazing with them. I came home to a clean house, and a welcoming hug. We seem like a completely different couple now, it is just awesome and the kids are happier knowing we don't fight- at all. He is happy, and doesn't seem depressed anymore. He is attentive and doesn't get angry over every little thing. It's a side of him I haven't seen in years and I can only hope it stays this way!

For your sake I hope it stays that way also. Just be careful and watch him. Take mental notes of his behavior toward you. If he truly does have a desire to change and loves you he will continue to work hard on becoming a better person. Everyone has flaws and no one is perfect. Different circumstances such as how we are raised can contribute to how we treat others as adults. Be patient and loving and watch him from afar. If you see some of the bad behaviors appear again, try counseling and then maybe separation. He needs to put you first. Always remember that.