Hugs .. and I'm sorry that this is all so hard .. I have to take care of me and what I mean by that is are you taking care of YOU? It IS overwhelming to be a single parent .. it IS hard when the odds seem so stacked against you .. it DOES suck. Have you checked into going to divorce care? People say that divorce is kind of like death without the body to go and view and bury .. there is a tremendous amount of grief, confusion and wondering where did it all go wrong .. in my case I know exactly where it went wrong .. I picked the wrong person for the wrong reasons and it went downhill from there. You are not alone and divorce care might benefit you to hear other people's experiences and how they have recovered to live their lives. My STBX knows better than to just stop by and pick the kids up, with what is going on for me it is a safety issue. Thank goodness he hasn't introduced the kids to every skank de jour that he has been with while we have gone through this process .. LOL! Honestly my kids are of an age that they would not be pleased. I REALLY laugh because the woman he is with is a remake of me and OLDER from what I can tell .. I find it funny and ironic .. HOWEVER had that happened at the beginning of our split and he was and IS a cheater .. I would have been on CNN .. and not that makes it right .. I have had to find a way to laugh at the absurdity of it all. What he's doing says a WHOLE lot about HIM and NOTHING about you. I am very sorry this is hard for you, I go through similar feelings as well. Just remember prison orange is just so not your color :) and DO remember you are worth while and lovable .. you are also grieving at the moment and that hurts .. it is also healthy to address those feelings. DO take care of you, .. I know for me I have to address taking care of me and then I can be a better employee and options that I didn't think possible start coming to life. Is it possible for you to move to a different place? I had to give up living in the country and actually it has been better than I truly expected .. not perfect .. it is better. I'm also paying less rent. Hugs :)
jerseygirl: If you are having problems making ends meet, I would suggest either getting a female roommate you trust or moving to a less expensive apartment. Finances were a very big issue for me. I am still recovering financially from a divorce in 2009. I was just working part time and my ex paid just 11K per year in alimony which was tax deductible for him, but not on my end. My one regret was not going to the Food Pantry a little longer until my Dad's Estate came in and then giving back to them like I do occasionally now with items I don't want. I was married for 21 years and yes, I felt embarrassment and did not want to tell anyone for a while even though there is a lot of divorce in my family. My daughter told her friends and then it spread through my small town. It takes a while for things to settle down in one's life and since he is the cheater - that's on him. I would suggest cutting ties with him after the kids are grown. My ex and I had a daughter together who was 18 when he filed and is now 25. I only hear from him if there is a death and I leave voicemails when something comes up concerning our daughter and it's important. I would suggest setting up a meeting with him in a public place over coffee or whatever you like to discuss all plans for the year regarding the children, i.e., holidays and summer vacation, especially and write them down on a calendar. Best wishes. It gets better over time.