jerseygirl: If you are having problems making ends meet, I would suggest either getting a female roommate you trust or moving to a less expensive apartment. Finances were a very big issue for me. I am still recovering financially from a divorce in 2009. I was just working part time and my ex paid just 11K per year in alimony which was tax deductible for him, but not on my end. My one regret was not going to the Food Pantry a little longer until my Dad's Estate came in and then giving back to them like I do occasionally now with items I don't want. I was married for 21 years and yes, I felt embarrassment and did not want to tell anyone for a while even though there is a lot of divorce in my family. My daughter told her friends and then it spread through my small town. It takes a while for things to settle down in one's life and since he is the cheater - that's on him. I would suggest cutting ties with him after the kids are grown. My ex and I had a daughter together who was 18 when he filed and is now 25. I only hear from him if there is a death and I leave voicemails when something comes up concerning our daughter and it's important. I would suggest setting up a meeting with him in a public place over coffee or whatever you like to discuss all plans for the year regarding the children, i.e., holidays and summer vacation, especially and write them down on a calendar. Best wishes. It gets better over time.