Jo: I would put all that you have divided in writing to give to the Judge so she/he can see what has taken place. My ex only helped around the house on holiday weekends, so I know what you mean. I got a housecleaning service to help. Some of the friends who are couples you may not hear from after the divorce because you may be viewed as a "threat" to their marriages because you will be single, but hopefully some of the women you know will still have coffee or whatever you like one-on-one and get together. Now is the time for you to focus on yourself and to make your life better. I go to Yoga and a place to swim. I met nice people there. I told our neighbors when I was ready about the divorce and our daughter told her friends so then everyone else knew. My ex was not very sociable and did not live near his friends and all my friends from the old neighborhood moved away, so there weren't many to tell. Never mind what others think, this is about your life. The worst of times bring out people's true colors and the nice ones will contact you to see how you are doing. Many on this forum had their ex's families discontinue contact, so be prepared for that unless you are close to them (know some who were). There are two sides to every story. Good luck.
You're right, it is very difficult to spread the word because you never know what the reaction will be. Do the best you can to prepare yourself for the worst (ugliness, never seeing them again) but don't fall into the trap of having to explain yourself. That can lead to your getting into a discussion/argument about why you're doing what you're doing. Which isn't necessary. You're doing what you're doing for your own reasons.
If you feel comfortable doing so, take the women out and tell them together. Tell them they can ask you anything but they have to understand if some of your answers are "I just can't answer that right now.". Find a good spot to do this, you don't want someone in the next booth craning their neck to hear every word. Let them hear your unhappiness and pain, it'll help them understand what you're doing -- but you don't have to go into excruciating detail.
Some couples get weird, have the feeling you're now looking at their spouse so, if before you were touchy affectionate stop doing that. It stinks to have to change one's behaviour but I'm sure you understand.