Hey! I'm in the process (along with my childs therapist) of researching termination of parental rights. I'm in CA. Been a long drawn out divorce. A little background: I'm a victim of DV and my kids were subjected to physical and emotional abuse the entire time. We were married when I was 17 he was 21. I left when I was 28 with 3 kids and no money no job. Well my ex and his new gf have had their kids (3 sons) removed by CPS for child abuse and neglect, once as a couple with their child and before the gf had her 2 sons removed as well. My daughter even came home with a cigarette burn to her back a full investigation was done but since she was too young to really say what happened, nothing ever came of that. Just recently "dad" was granted visition rights after losing all joint custody (legal and physical) because of child abuse in his home witnessed by my children to his step children. So he basically told my child he was "removing himself" from her and my other child who is barely 7 years old. He told her this on the phone after she asked why he didn't show up to their therapy session. After lots of blame to her for confirming the child abuse (kids being hit with a belt) in his home, and not accepting responsibility for anything, he told her he would be removing himself from her and my other child. Then my oldest child confronted dad and there hasn't been a relationship there more about a year and he was told the same thing. Mind you, he talked to my childs therapists and gave his reasons for not showing up which she told me were completely irrational and Dad also told therapists that he would be removing himself from my childrens lives.

And to add salt to the wound, he told my oldest child that now that he has decided this, he basically only has to worry about "whats for dinner" now that they are out of the picture. So my question is whats the deal with termination of parental rights? Oh when he and I spoke on the phone, he threatenly made it clear that I should make the "right choice" and take him off child support. He also told me he was "removing himself" from the picture. So that's 4 people he told, myself, my childs therapist and my 2 children (on seperate occasions). My childs therapists also has instructed me that he has/is doing more damage than good and that its in my childs best interest to not have him in their lives.

Lady in Black: I would consult with a Family Lawyer. They are best when kids are concerned. I had one.

I agree talk to a family atty and find out what needs to be done .. honestly it doesn't sound like much if he doesn't show .. he doesn't show and that's a good thing. ALL states can be REALLY backwards when it comes to terminating parental rights .. I would suggest strongly that you document everything .. what I do is I have something on my computer that says Kids Visitation .. I document if he picks them up .. if he doesn't .. what time he drops them off .. if the kids were emotionally upset and disturbed when they come home .. I stick to the facts .. use words like so and so appeared to me blah blah blah .. my understanding was .. blah blah blah .. so and so expressed that they felt .. blah blah blah .. be as emotionally detached in description as possible. The police showed up on whatever date .. I called CPS on whatever date and time and spoke to Mr/s blah blah .. I think you get my drift I would go back as far as you could NOW and that way when you talk to an atty you have some back up and it's not just well he did this and he did that you have actual vested time into documenting this is what happened and times and dates.

Best of luck these situations are icky sticky .. Lisa ;)

Here's my thoughts on reading what you wrote -- know that I know nothing about this category of law -- sounds like it would be GREAT if he removed himself parentally. Just think of all the pain/arguments you'll be spared if he never needs to be consulted about anything to do with the kids forever. What a load off you that would be! You would never have to be in contact with him about holidays, travel plans, moving, school plays, etc.

YES it would stink for the kids but what really stinks is that they don't have a good dad. But they wouldn't have a good dad if he kept his parental rights. What they would have is a lot of broken promises, fear and stress.

However, does HIM deciding to do this mean he doesn't pay child support? That I don't know. Are you dependent upon it to pay bills/live out of poverty? I'm hoping not because, as sad as it is, sounds like you'll all be better off without him in your lives.

good luck.