Let go of the guilt of needing to end the relationship and work on building a family unit that has been fractured, needs to be redesigned for lack of a better term. You didn't mention if you and your STBX are on good terms or if it's already ugly. You are the adult and it sounds like they are close to being adults, .. they need to learn to accept responsibility for their lives .. we only have them a short time and then they are responsible for themselves. Build positive going forward though .. counseling for the whole family would be ideal. For me leaving was a hard decision in the end it was the only decision that was the responsible one for my kids and myself. I agree also find a good atty, some atty's will take cases pro bono as I believe it's a tax break at the end of the year .. ask .. if you don't ask you won't know. Kids are funny about stuff they strike out at the parent who is there and the parent who will take what they are throwing .. you're mom .. of course you will love them no matter what .. you are also an adult woman dealing with reality of a broken marriage .. they need to be respectful as well. I get all of the good stuff with the kids and all of the not so nice stuff as well .. it's not easy being a single parent in that regard .. there is no one else to help ease that slack. Hugs L :)
It should get better. The guilt should subside. However, kids are great at keeping the angst going and you and your son were already having issues before the pending divorce was announced. Sounds like gasoline was added to the fire. Family counseling could help all of these relationships if you can find a good counselor. He might need counseling on his own (good luck getting him to go, it would be nice if dad would encourage him to do this) so he can rant/vent to someone who is not you and has nothing vested in the relationship. As we all know, sometimes hearing things from other people can make what mom/dad say suddenly sound reasonable!
Lots of hugs for your daughter, it's so tough. If there's a counselor she likes at school that can help too if you don't want to find someone just for her.
Hugs to you. This is hard, hard, hard and anyone who thinks someone does this with a light heart is deluded.
I definitely understand where you are at. We told our kids two weeks ago. I always thought that it would be easier if the kids were older but that is not true. My two oldest kids are grown and, to be honest, have been the hardest. They have not known any other life but their parents married...happy or not. My 13 year old boy is handling things as well I would expect.
I feel the same about feeling guilty about tearing my family apart. My STBX and I have actually been very amicable. He is still living in the house but is looking for a place. I know I cannot live in this marriage...even after much doubting...I know it is the right decision. Many women on here have given me good feedback so you are in the right place for support.
Good luck! Kids are a challenge but no matter what they are the most precious gift. They will always treat mom the worst because we always love them and accept them no matter what.