I would get into counseling; the situation isn't going to change.

Sarah: My cousin got together with a guy who had four kids - lots of drama - their mom was having problems and was borderline neglectful when they were teens. They did not get married until the youngest was 16 which is what I am advising you to do if you feel strongly about this this man is to wait until the kids are older and driving and more independent. I agree with the other poster that an a formal custody agreement/visitation needs to be in writing or stuck to if it already isn't (and I suspect it's not) and he should be considering your time together and only taking the kids extra if it is very urgent or an emergency situation. My current boyfriend has ex's with children (none of them are his biologically, but he became attached to them since he was dating their moms and with them). One of them is grown, but we still see him occasionally, in passing. The others are college age, one in high school and one is 12. We sometimes go to the ballgames of the 12 year old and we go together, and, that way, we do not lose time together. He also has nieces and nephews we spend time with sometimes and we are together with them at the beach or bowling. A good boyfriend will divide his time among you and the others in his life. She may be taking advantage of him and/or feeling overwhelmed as a parent. I used to swap kids/babysitting with neighbors who had kids - no money involved. If you really want to be with him, bottom line, is the kids are going to be in his life until they are around 13 and prefer the company of friends and don't need child care, so maybe you could take them someplace fun with you and your boyfriend, but, it would seem she is just wanting to go out and have a good time and I agree she should hire a sitter since he pays a lot of child support. I have a stepfather and stepfather also, and it is not an easier situation, but it got easier as I got older.

Thank you so much for your replies. It really does help to get some perspective. I do think that a lot of this is my issue dealing with him having a past that is constantly in our present. Things have not been good with the ex wife and I am sure that is what makes it even harder for me but aside from documenting all the extra time and taking it back to court to lower the child support I believe this is something I have to really think about and find a way to come to peace with. He is a fantastic man and an even better father it is just troubling dealing with the ex wife. I don't like feeling like my fiancé is being taken advantage of by another woman, the problem is he doesn't see it that way and I understand his side. He is happy because all it means is more time with his children. Blended families are a lot harder than I would of ever expected it to be but I guess I can be glad that going through this is teaching me to be a better person.

Sarah,

This is where "killing them with kindness" will pay off for you in the long run. Never criticize the kids' mom where there is even the slightest chance they could hear, no eye rolls, no snorts of disgust or disbelief, nada. Just try to think -- how can I make this better for the kids? THAT is what will make him happiest, if you're not a stress-bringer in his life over this issue but are also looking out for the kids' best interests.

Please read some books on the subject and get your man to couple's counseling. He and you need to be on the same page regarding some of these issues or you will continue to feel neglected, angry and unheard. And that's a recipe for disaster and heartbreak. For many, many people it is easier for them to adjust to a different way of thinking when an uninvested 3rd party guides the way.

My husband ex wife had her new bf move before their divorce was settled. I met my husband right when they were separated from each other n their divorce was in action. He moved in and later we got married which set his ex wife as a surprise. Her relationship ended and now she makes every excuse in the book to contact my husband her ex. One was can you fix my car or can you come over because their is something making a noise in our sons room. I respected her as my husbands ex but she is doing everything in her power to **** me off. I dont know what to do