Finding Peace: I know I would have hated it if my ex's family lived under my roof - just for the lack of privacy and quiet alone. In most States money is divided 50/50. I got the cottage, he got to keep his retirement money and is older by nine years (60 now, we were divorced in 2009, I'm nearly 52). If you can prove you have been supporting his family, in writing, maybe you can get a break, financially. My ex accused me of hoarding and hiding money which was not true. I reminded him I had paid for 21 years of vehicles for myself and to cart our daughter around and 21 years of home repairs. The hardest part of divorce is the finances. Make sure you do not have any joint credit cards (close them out if you do and get your own). I had my own bank account. There was a large disparity in our incomes and I got to keep my money. Consult with a Lawyer about the situation.
Yes, he has a legal right to the money you have been stashing away. Money you have spent hosting his family has no bearing on it in any state of which I am aware.
During the divorce, you will be required to do a discovery process in which you state all assets and turn over bank statements. It is very likely that your subterfuge will be discovered at that time.
If the judge determines that you have been deceptive, there is a high likelihood that he will punish you by giving your husband a disproportionate share of the family assets.
What you are doing is a bad idea. While it is possible that you will get away with it, it is more likely that it will backfire on you badly.
Hmmm, since it's coming out of your paycheck his side will figure it out sooner or later. Someone will notice the missing $ from a total, OR see a pay stub and ask where that $ is going.
If you don't have a lawyer then perhaps you can use that $ for their retainer. They can't claim half of what isn't in the account.
If he spent a bunch of money on stuff and ran up debt today, you'd be responsible for half of it.