Womans Divorce Forum
Discuss your troubles, compare ex's, offer suggestions, and share stories!
I've been divorce for 14 months now. I filed for divorce after 13 years of living with a Narcisstic man. I didn't know that this is what he was, until after the divorce. I didn't want to be divorced but truly I had no choice because he certainly didn't treat me as a wife. And the lies, the no empathy for anything that happened to me with illnesses or my parents having to be taking care of for 18 months before they passed was something I couldn't get passed. And obviously he couldn't deal with, me having a family to care for during that time, because the punishment was to take every dime he ever made, hide it, and leave me penniless.
So I filed. And then divorced. He seemed to be thrilled that I filed, and made his plans, to get another house, (in cash) renovated it until it looked like perfection and hooked up with a woman, who he met while visiting the dance clubs. My husband was 69 at the time. And it was painful to watch, and I grieved and although my peace and quiet and freedom was a delight, the fact that I was alone, and this wasn't how I planned the "Golden Years" was painful.
It's been 14 months like I said. I still have my moments, while I don't think he ever gave too much thought. His woman, practically lives with him, and I have gone on with my life, with friends and family and work. It has not been bad, but yes, there are moments during the night when it still stinks.
Something happened, last week. I was meeting my girlfriend after work for a drink and movie. I walked into this place for she would be there any minute. I walked in, lifted my eyes, and there he was, with the woman. A blonde, nice body and he immediately saw me. I kind of just stood there, for I was blindsided. I saw him whisper in her ear that his ex wife was there. That hurt. I looked around the room and saw that my girlfriend wasn't around and actually walked behind him and her to see the rest of the room to be sure. When he saw me get close, he turned his head, actually hovered over his girlfriend as if I was going to kill her and he needed to protect her. I said nothing, walked past him, and then turned and left, seeing my girlfriend parking the car in the lot through the window. I was devastated. It was like I was stranger to him. Not even a polite hello. I haven't seen him in months and months. All i could think of was all the wasted time I wasted giving him a thought. He was fine, I was still healing. I was yesterday's trash to him.
And she looked like she got the cat who got the canary. I feel sorry for her, because I was his second wife, and only now know that he treated the first wife exactly how he treated me.
What I am saying is that men and women are very different. Men can not be alone, and do move on alot more quicker than women. You will never get the closure you are looking for and there will always be alot of unanswered questions. Women hold on to those questions alot longer than men. Women take longer to heal and we have to work hard that we don't hold on to the pain and learn how to accept what is. Not an easy task. Keep yourself busy, I found that "No contact" is the best way to go but of course if you have children together that is next to impossible. But keep it simple if you do. Talk about the kids and nothing else. I had no children with my ex and so honestly there didn't have to be any contact. I got rid of every picture I had of us, I tried really hard not to mention his name and I have asked my family and friends not to either. And still I have my moments. It's a slow process, but it does get better. Vent here, this is what the forum is about. We care. Hugs
Emily.. I give you a lot of credit. You need to hold your head high and not think if this as a waste of time. Everyone comes into your life for a reason... to teach you something about yourself. You were strong enough to end this life and start over and I applaud you for it. You go girl