It is a lousy feeling and it makes you scared to see it all in black and white. I remember the day all too well and I have been divorce alittle over a year. And you can't help looking back to the beginning when it was all so romantic. How did we all get here? Look at how much as changed? You want to turn back the clock and really pay attention as to what went wrong.
I began researching, because I was getting no closure or answers to my questions and I came across Narccistic Men. I was blown away and the more I searched, the more I remembered most of our stories on this forum. And they all had alot in common. The controlling, the abusive behavior, and how they seemed to go from one person to another in a very short period of time. No empathy for others, how it is all about them. And I began to see that alot of us might have fallen for someone, that really didn't exist in the first place. And that is what we find so hard to accept and so hard to let go.
We are cleaning to memories of a person that really wasn't who pretended to be.
And then I learned that the constant calling to speak to you for some stupid reason, and sometimes saying mushy things, and sometimes, turning on the rage when you are not buying their BS is also because these men still want to be in control and keep their "Supply". And how they always very quickly go to another relationship because they must have a new supply, to either dump on, not to be alone, because they find it impossible to be alone and well I could write a book from all I learned this year.
But to answer your question, we got here, because some of us, were involved to very sick men, and men that will never know or feel what real love is, and what a committment is all about. But it was NOT our fault. We are not crazy and only moving on, and NO contact or very limited contact if you have children together is the way to go for our recovery.
I don't know why our lives didn't turn out they way we dreamed. It seems unfair, but I believe we are where we are suppose to be and somehow a door is going to open for all of us and something better is going to happen. I am still waiting for that to happen, but I cling to that belief.
Good luck to your future, may there be peace and quiet around you.
Sorry Jo - I have been divorced since 2009, but I still remember that day well also. He told me the papers were coming, but they were delayed and their content was very nasty. He's a sick person with Asperger's Autism, which is not his fault, I know, but if I had known what it was and that he had it, I would have respectfully declined his proposal of marriage. I am grateful I had a kind and experienced divorce atty. (someone who did family law) who had a home office and didn't charge me a ton. Best wishes.