I've been feeling rather lost here lately and though I have discussed this with a few people, I still don't feel any clarity. So, I thought that I would put this out into the world and see what happens.

Here is a little background information. My husband and I have been together almost 8 years and married almost 3, we work very different schedules (he works 12 hour shifts three times a week, while I work 2p-10p five times a week), have different relationships with our parents (He is an only child and his parents influence everything he does and gives him money constantly. I am the youngest of two and my parents have often made me feel like I am not as preferred as my older sibling, I know they love me just show it differently.), and we have different personalities (he is very laid back and easy going, while I am rather high strung and detailed oriented). I love my husband, but sometimes I feel like he loves me because I do everything that he wants. I do 98% of the things around the house, even though I work more hours and I am gone more than he is. I am the one who manages the money and pays the bills. I am the one who has to be responsible. I often feel like I am his babysitter, accountant, personal chef, maid, and just the person he sleeps with. When we have discussions, if I don't pay close attention to what he is saying, despite it being a topic that I don't know anything about or have any desire to know about, he freaks out and pouts like a five year old. Though, when I want to talk about random things in life he just looks at me as if he is bored to tears until I shut up. Physically, I think that the relationship is ok. We have sex 1-3 times a week and yeah sometimes it lacks passion. Everything in my life revolves around him and when I tell him this he asks me to give him explanations and when I try to explain it to him he just shrugs and says "That's not a good enough answer." We've been trying to get pregnant for almost two years now, with no success. I have been tested multiple times and I am good to have kids, but he refuses to be tested claiming that knowing that he was the cause of this would make him feel like less of a man. But wouldn't knowing that there was an issue be better for both of us instead of him constantly putting the pressure on me?

Anyway, that is just some of my issues. This is what has happened recently that has made me question what to do. I have recently responded to Craigslist posts, yes multiple, and exchanged emails and pictures with other men. My husband found out and got beyond upset. Now I cannot breathe without him questioning me. Every time he brings it up, I have to go through the reasons why I did what I did. I told him that there was something missing in me and that I would go to therapy and try to work on me and work on the marriage. I started therapy last week and I am feeling hopeful about things. I have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, OCD, a major depressive disorder NOS and possibly hypomanic Bipolar II. When I told my husband this information he didn't really seemed concerned. He instantly lashed out at me claiming that I didn't tell the therapist about my Craigslist activities with no concern of how these new labels for me would affect me. I guess that he and I are both super selfish and self centered because we both want someone to be worried about us. I just don't know what to do. I know that my actions will haunt our relationship until the end of it and I don't know if I can handle once or twice a week reliving why I did what I did. When I ask him what he wants me to do to make things better he says that he wants us to go back to the way things were. I keep telling him that the way we were was broken and now we have to try to build something new.

I just don't know what to do. Any opinion would be really appreciated.

Finish the relationship you are in before you start a new one, whether it is just emotional online, or proceeds to the physical. Doing so would add to your problems.

Dear Diana, First of all forgive yourself. Now you need to allow your husband his time to grieve the betrayal of his trust in you. Please try and understand that his whole world as he knows it has been turned upside down right now. He needs to work this out on his terms in his time table not yours. It is natural when we have done something we are not proud of to just want it to go away. Lot's of people handle depression in a self destructive way so you are not alone. Now you know better and can get the medical help for your issues so please make that a priority . Your pairing is not ideal at best. I do however have to believe if two people care enough they can find a way to make it work. From personal experience I don't think you will get your husband to change who he is very much. I to am married to a only child. Not always but most times the are the center of everyone's universe from parents, grandparents and all the extended family. This is how he was molded and fired and it is unlikely you will be able to crack the layers of the golden boy. Can you live with this reality if it doesn't change much. Get a housekeeper and if paying the bills is a big issue to you have an accountant set it up for you. You do have a lot more power by being the one handling this. Think of creative ways to make things work for both of you no matter how unconventional it seems. The key is to try and solve these problems the best you can. If you are still trying to conceive I would certainly put that on hold for the time being and take action not to get pregnant. Please believe me when I say putting a baby into the mix right now would be worse for everyone including the baby who has the right to be born into a happy, healthy, secure family. You might also want to consider the genetic issues with passing on your genes. My nephew has bi-polar which he got from his father who was also bi-polar. It is not what you would want to wish on a child. There are other options to be parents. This might just solve the conceiving issue for your husband by taking the spotlight off him and putting it on to you. His ego sounds real fragile in this area. If you don't feel hopeful for your marriage and don't want to do the really hard work don't waste your life there. Seek a therapist to deal with your childhood issues about feeling second best to your parents. We bring this stuff into the marriage and it impacts that marriage. I wish you well and hope what is best for you both is what comes out of this whether or not it is to stay married. Do not make life altering decisions while angry . Your choices then are usually wrong.

Thank you both for your advice! It was nice to hear an outsider's opinion of the situation. We have stopped trying to conceive and after learning about my own diagnosis I am questioning if I ever want to have children in my life. I know that things between us will be rough for a while, but I am wanting to work this out. I am tired of running from my issues.I am hoping between the therapy and medications that I can find a way to work this out for the best, whether we stay together or go our separate ways.

Dear Diana, I know you will be OK. You are facing these problems head on with professional help. I wish you all the very best. Your life can be full, happy and fruitful no matter what the outcome of your marriage. Sometimes even with the best of intentions some couples are not meant for each other in the end.